The Physicist's Empty Promise

Ooooh, someone's preparing to categorize physicists like D&D characters! 🧙‍♂️ This empty alignment chart is just begging to be filled with Einstein as Lawful Good (follows rules, discovers relativity) and Feynman as Chaotic Good (breaks into safes while revolutionizing quantum electrodynamics). Meanwhile, Edward Teller would be prime Lawful Evil material—followed all the proper channels to create weapons that could end humanity! The beauty of physics is that even the most brilliant minds can't escape being sorted into ridiculous personality boxes by nerds on the internet. I'm already grabbing my colored pencils to fill this in myself!

The struggle is real for those poor X-rays! Lead is basically the ultimate bouncer at the radiation club, with an atomic number of 82 and electron-dense structure that makes it practically impenetrable. That's why radiologists and nuclear workers hide behind lead shields—these photons slam into lead's electrons and get completely shut down. The meme perfectly captures the physics of radiation attenuation with some Syndrome-level intensity. Fun fact: just 1/4 inch of lead can block over 95% of medical X-rays. Talk about hitting a brick wall!

The scientific pecking order is real! Physicists laugh at everyone but get super sensitive when they're the butt of the joke. Engineers? Permanently stuck in serious mode regardless of who's being roasted. But mathematicians? Those number wizards are just happy to be included in the conversation! They're laughing hysterically no matter what because they're too busy contemplating abstract n-dimensional spaces to care about petty disciplinary rivalries. The hierarchy of scientific sensitivity perfectly captured in facial expressions!

Just your standard underage drinking solution: manipulate advanced mathematical theorems to bypass legal restrictions. The Banach-Tarski paradox suggests you can decompose a 3D object and reassemble it into two identical copies—clearly the most practical approach to getting served at bars. The real genius is in step 3, where you exploit the arithmetic of infinite copies to reach the legal drinking age sum. Theoretical mathematicians have been using this technique for years, though their success rate remains mysteriously at 0%. The bartender's face says it all: another topology PhD trying to apply their dissertation to happy hour.

The cosmic irony of someone claiming to "see" dark matter is what makes this parody gold. Dark matter, by definition, doesn't interact with electromagnetic radiation (light), making it literally impossible to see. It's like claiming you can see radio waves with your eyeballs. The "bright matter" line is particularly brilliant satire - completely missing that dark matter is named for its non-interaction with light, not its color. And that final bit about dark matter emitting dark energy? Chef's kiss. That's like saying gravity emits magnetism. Two completely different cosmic phenomena conflated with the confidence only ignorance can provide. Next week: solving quantum entanglement with a really big pair of scissors.

The cosmic equivalent of running into your ex! In the top panel, our stick figure friend is confronted with the famous first-ever black hole image (M87) asking "IS THAT YOU?" Meanwhile, the Sun in the bottom panel is desperately trying to distance itself from its embarrassing supermassive phase with the classic "Yeah... but that's an old photo..." excuse. Classic celestial body image issues! The Sun doesn't want to admit it might eventually expand and collapse too. Just like humans hiding their awkward high school yearbook photos, stars have phases they'd rather not discuss at dinner parties.