Something About Carbon-Carbon Bond Formation

This flowchart is what happens when career counselors have a mental breakdown. Engineering? Only if you're "good with things." Chemistry? Congratulations on your future as a "fussy pedant." And let's not forget Computer Science, perfect for those who prefer "slow, indirect evil" over the more efficient varieties. The beautiful part is how it nails the existential crisis of every STEM student. "Why do you want to major in a STEM field?" Options include "curiosity" (adorable), "to save the planet" (delusional), or my personal favorite, the dawning realization that STEM was supposed to involve actual plants for Biology majors. After 30 years of teaching, I can confirm this is approximately 87% accurate. The missing 13% is the path where you choose your major based on which department has the least uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.

The comic brilliantly contrasts delicious lickable items with polonium-210, which is basically death on a stick. Polonium-210 is an alpha-emitting radioactive isotope that's roughly 250,000 times more toxic than hydrogen cyanide. One microgram is enough to kill you painfully. The punchline about "Andrea stopping nuclear war by licking a warhead" is darkly hilarious because it's scientifically preposterous. First, nuclear warheads don't typically contain polonium, and second, anyone getting close enough to lick weapons-grade material would be dead before they could become a folk hero. This is exactly why we keep telling undergrads to stop tasting chemicals in the lab. There's always that one student who thinks the "no eating in the lab" rule is just a suggestion...

When your professor says "these equations are essentially the same" but the exam requires you to know both versions. The Van der Waals equation vs. its "cooler" molecular form with Boltzmann constant is like meeting your friend before and after they discovered sunglasses and lowercase letters. Both describe non-ideal gas behavior, but one will absolutely wreck your exam if you mix them up. Physical chemistry professors get a strange pleasure watching students panic over notation differences.

The unspoken truth of scientific discovery that no textbook dares admit! Chemistry isn't the elegant process they sell you in school—it's basically three chaotic stages of desperation. First, you randomly mix things hoping something interesting happens. Second, you accidentally stumble upon something that doesn't immediately explode. Third, you frantically document whatever the hell just worked before you forget it completely. Nobel Prizes are basically awarded to whoever took the best notes during their controlled panic.

Casually mentioning you study chemistry is like opening Pandora's box of illegal substance requests. One minute you're discussing orbital hybridization, the next someone's asking if you can synthesize methylamphetamine with a special blue tint. Breaking Bad has ruined innocent chemistry conversations forever. Now I just tell people I study "molecular interactions" and mysteriously change the subject when they ask for specifics.

Ever tried to digest that massive burrito without proper enzymes? That's basically what this SpongeBob meme is showing! The top panel represents the sad, boring "Glove World" experience of a biochemical reaction without enzymes - slow, uneventful, practically standing still. But add those magical protein catalysts and WHOOSH! You're suddenly on a wild roller coaster ride of chemical transformation! Enzymes lower activation energy so reactions can zoom along thousands of times faster. They're basically the difference between watching paint dry and riding the most thrilling coaster at Six Flags. Your body has about 75,000 of these reaction accelerators making sure you don't spend your entire life digesting breakfast!