Stop Doing Math (The Great Mathematical Conspiracy)

The calculator is showing "85+6" with the result "65/6" instead of the correct answer (91). This is the perfect representation of what happens when students refuse to learn calculator syntax. That S↔D button (Standard to Decimal conversion) is sitting right there, mocking everyone who's ever complained "but the calculator gave me the wrong answer!" No, Timmy, the calculator gave you exactly what you asked for—a fraction in its most reduced form. Twenty years of teaching and I'm still waiting for someone to actually read the manual that came with their $120 scientific calculator. Maybe we should make "RTFM" a prerequisite for freshman calculus.

This mathematical masterpiece plays on the fact that π (pi) is an irrational number - meaning it can't be expressed as a simple fraction and its decimal representation goes on forever without repeating. When someone asks π to "be rational," they're literally asking the impossible! It's like asking your cat to stop knocking things off shelves - fundamentally against its nature. Next time someone tells you to be reasonable, just reply "Sorry, I'm transcendental" and watch the confusion spread.

When mathematicians encounter a difficult integral, but Minecraft players immediately recognize it as the crafting recipe for an enchantment table. Left side: "∫" symbols paired with various minerals representing the complex mathematical notation. Right side: the checkmark and X representing correct/incorrect solutions. Mathematics professors expect elegant solutions using substitution or partial fractions, while gamers just need obsidian, diamonds, and a book arranged in the right pattern. Who's the real genius here?

The eternal math problem that breaks the internet: 6 ÷ 2(1+2) = ? This equation is mathematical warfare. Some people get 9 (following order of operations: 6÷2=3, then 3×3=9), while others insist it's 1 (treating 2(1+2) as a single term: 6÷6=1). The real answer? It's ambiguous notation! Modern math conventions say it's 9, but implicit multiplication by juxtaposition (the 2(1+2) part) creates the confusion. The bell curve perfectly captures how people respond—from "invalid question" rage to "I can't do basic arithmetic" despair. Mathematicians just avoid writing equations this way. They'd use parentheses to make it clear: (6÷2)(1+2)=9 or 6÷(2(1+2))=1. Properly notated math doesn't start internet wars!

The radical proposition of a 13-month calendar isn't just some random thought experiment—it's actually the International Fixed Calendar, proposed by Moses Cotsworth in the early 1900s. Each month would have exactly 28 days (4 perfect weeks), with the 365th day being a special "Year Day" belonging to no month or week. Leap years? Just add another special day. The lunar cycle is approximately 29.5 days, so we'd be closer to lunar alignment but still off. The real kicker? Companies actually tried this. Kodak used this calendar internally from 1928 to 1989. Sixty-one years of 13 months called things like "Sol" and "Liberty." Would it work? Sure. Would humans collectively agree to change something as fundamental as our calendar? We can't even agree on whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

Someone's confusing statistical distributions with election predictions! That bell curve is showing IQ distribution (hence the "100" at the center), not voting percentages. The poor soul commenting "Doesn't that meme mean Kamala will win with two thirds of the votes" missed the entire point of normal distributions. It's like watching someone use a barometer to measure their waistline. The cartoon faces are just the cherry on top of this mathematical misinterpretation sundae. Next up: using the periodic table to predict stock prices!