Pluto Is Furiously Family

The Empire's engineering department just got owned by the Flat Death Star Society. In a universe where we can build planet-destroying superweapons, apparently basic geometry is still controversial. Next they'll claim the tractor beam is just magnets and the Force is a government conspiracy. I suppose if you squint hard enough at a sphere, everything looks flat—just like some people's learning curves.

When you accidentally set fire to your spacecraft and Einstein and Hawking have to physically restrain you from panicking! This is basically how NASA trains astronauts for emergencies—minus the time-traveling genius scientists. Fire in space is actually terrifying because it forms perfect spheres instead of going upward (no convection in microgravity) and can spread invisibly. But sure, just "calm down" while your oxygen-rich environment turns into a floating death trap. The physicists know best!

Content Today at 4:04 PM Who the h#ll is Kepler and why should his laws apply to me???!? Today at 4:15 PM Ellipses Today at 4:17 PM Who will join me in rebellion against the unfair rule of Kepler and Newton? Today at 4:17 PM Would you say that newtons laws are holding you down?

Behold the magnificent optimism of 1950s sci-fi writers! *adjusts lab goggles frantically* They genuinely believed we'd be zooming through the cosmos by 2003, establishing moon colonies and having tea parties on Mars! Meanwhile, in actual 2003, humanity's greatest achievement was... *drumroll* attaching bottle caps with little plastic rings so they wouldn't get lost. THE HORROR! Our ancestors predicted interstellar travel and instead we got slightly more convenient hydration! The cosmic disappointment is DELICIOUS! *maniacal laughter* Next time you open a water bottle, just remember - somewhere in the multiverse, an alternate you is probably piloting that flying car through the rings of Saturn right now.

Content We are alone We are not in the universe alone in the universe

Time travel via giant space mirror? Someone's been watching too many sci-fi movies instead of attending Physics 101! The meme gets the basic concept right—light takes time to travel (10 years to go 10 light-years)—but forgets one tiny detail: we'd need to wait ANOTHER 10 years for that light to bounce back to us! That's 20 years total of twiddling our thumbs before seeing anything. Not to mention we'd need a mirror roughly the size of Jupiter that somehow doesn't collapse under its own gravity. But sure, let's just casually build that with our weekend DIY budget. Next project: a black hole in the backyard!