Evil Physicist Be Like

The eternal rivalry between physicists and chemists captured in perfect doge form! Physicists strut around with their buff "no exceptions" universal laws like Newton's gravity or thermodynamics, confidently declaring they've figured out how everything works. Meanwhile, chemists are sitting there with their periodic table like "yeah but actually these two elements are weird and don't follow the pattern and here are 116 exceptions because reality is messy." The deliberately misspelled "lawm" and "excepmt" perfectly capture the chaotic energy of chemistry compared to physics' rigid structure. Every student who's had to memorize orbital exceptions knows this pain!

Behold! The most dramatic particle meetup in the universe! When a positron and electron get together, they don't just exchange phone numbers—they literally OBLITERATE each other in a cosmic light show! It's like the universe's most extreme blind date where both parties vanish and leave nothing but photons as gossip. Those mattresses? Just the universe's way of saying "I prepared a comfy spot for your mutual destruction." Physics doesn't get more metal than matter-antimatter annihilation! 💥✨

That laser warning sign is the perfect cherry on top of this existential lab crisis. Seven years of higher education to discover the ultimate scientific principle: nothing works and we don't know why. Currently testing this hypothesis with my grant application, which is also yielding consistent results. The data suggests I'll be eating ramen until retirement.

Behold, the only force stronger than gravity: the inexplicable attraction between your body and bed at 6 AM! While physics textbooks claim Earth's gravitational acceleration is a measly 9.8 m/s², they've clearly never studied the phenomenon of morning bed gravity—a crushing 999.8 m/s² force that renders even the most disciplined scientists completely immobile. It's the one experiment where increasing the alarm clock sample size only strengthens the hypothesis that you need "five more minutes." Newton's lesser-known Fourth Law states: "The reluctance to leave one's bed is directly proportional to how important your morning meeting is."

Finally, cosmology I can understand after three beers! This brilliant parody shows how the universe's expansion formula looks suspiciously like Pepsi's logo evolution. From simple planet to complex universe, both growing exponentially with time. Next time a student asks me about cosmic inflation, I'll just hand them a soda and say "It's right there on the can." The real question is: if the universe keeps expanding at this rate, will we eventually need a Diet Pepsi Universe to maintain cosmic balance?

The correct answer is B, unless you're a student desperately taking a fluid dynamics exam, in which case it's definitely C. Or maybe A? The Bernoulli principle states that as fluid velocity increases, pressure decreases. But what's really under pressure here is every engineering student staring at this question at 11:58pm when the online assignment is due at midnight. The narrowest point has the highest velocity and lowest pressure, but the real pressure peak is in your professor's sadistic smile when they designed this "simple" question.