Cereal Killers With Physics Degrees

Physics textbooks: making students cry since forever, but apparently making excellent tofu presses! The legendary co-author Roger Freedman swoops in with peak professor energy, turning a kitchen hack into an impromptu physics lesson about normal forces and bulk stress. Nothing says "I've internalized my textbook" quite like using it to squeeze water from bean curd while the author watches and grades your technique. The duality of physics textbooks—traumatizing by day, culinary assistant by night!

The literal interpretation of "higher education" has reached new heights! Instead of elevating your knowledge, this professor decided to elevate himself physically. Gravity clearly wasn't part of today's curriculum. The student looking up at his floating teacher is experiencing the most literal example of "looking up to your educators" in academic history. Somewhere, Newton is rolling in his grave while Einstein slow claps at this creative interpretation of spatial dimensions.

Rejects astrology as nonsense but blindly worships the ideal gas law. Classic scientist hypocrisy. The equation PV = nRT only works under perfect conditions that practically never exist in nature - just like horoscopes never predicting your actual personality. The difference? One gets you published in Nature, the other gets you eye-rolls at department mixers.

Einstein's rolling in his grave right now. The twin paradox is absolutely a real paradox in special relativity where a twin traveling at near light-speed returns younger than their Earth-bound sibling. The "felt accelerated" argument completely misses that acceleration is precisely what resolves the paradox—it breaks the symmetry between reference frames! This is like saying "Schrödinger's cat isn't a paradox because the box is opaque." Sure, buddy. Next you'll tell me gravity is just a theory.

Fascinating. Someone who thinks the absence of atmospheric light scattering is evidence of a film studio. Next they'll tell us astronauts float because they're hanging from invisible strings. The irony is that without an atmosphere to scatter light, you'd expect exactly what we see - a bright sun against a black backdrop. But sure, NASA hired Stanley Kubrick to fake the moon landing and he insisted on shooting on location.

Behold, the only force stronger than gravity: the inexplicable attraction between your body and bed at 6 AM! While physics textbooks claim Earth's gravitational acceleration is a measly 9.8 m/s², they've clearly never studied the phenomenon of morning bed gravity—a crushing 999.8 m/s² force that renders even the most disciplined scientists completely immobile. It's the one experiment where increasing the alarm clock sample size only strengthens the hypothesis that you need "five more minutes." Newton's lesser-known Fourth Law states: "The reluctance to leave one's bed is directly proportional to how important your morning meeting is."