I Propose New Names For Calculus Operations

Oh, Indiana! The mathematical rebel of the United States! This map shows that while the rest of the country celebrates Pi Day on March 14th (3/14, matching the first digits of π = 3.14...), Indiana stands alone in red, celebrating on March 20th. This is a brilliant reference to the infamous "Indiana Pi Bill" of 1897, when the Indiana state legislature nearly passed a bill that would have legally defined π as 3.2 instead of its actual value! A mathematician happened to be visiting and stopped this mathematical crime just in time. Imagine needing a different calculator just to cross state lines! "Sorry officer, I wasn't speeding in Indiana miles!"

The perfect statistical paradox doesn't exi— This masterpiece illustrates sampling bias in its purest form. The researchers proudly announce that 99.8% of people "love responding to surveys" based on... wait for it... survey responses. Meanwhile, the people who hate surveys never filled it out in the first place. It's like concluding that 100% of fish love fishing hooks based on the ones you've caught. Statisticians are currently experiencing physical pain looking at this. The remaining 0.2% were probably just filling it out under duress from a particularly persistent grad student.

The innocent journey into physics starts with pure enthusiasm and curiosity, only to be violently assaulted by 1500-page math textbooks! That cute pink blob gets absolutely destroyed by equations before retreating to chemistry like "never mind, I'll just memorize the periodic table instead." Every physics student knows that moment when you realize Newton was just the tutorial level, and now you're facing the final boss: differential equations with no checkpoints.

Behold the mathematical madness! This clever Redditor created a recursive nightmare where each day they post screenshots of previous Fibonacci posts, with upvote goals following the Fibonacci sequence (1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8...). By day 25, they're asking for a whopping 75025 upvotes! It's like mathematical inception - posts within posts within posts - creating a visual representation of the Fibonacci spiral through Reddit karma farming! The beauty is that even the required upvotes (10946, 17711, 28657, 46368, 75025) are perfect Fibonacci numbers. Whoever thought of this is either a mathematical genius or has way too much time on their hands!

This sacred document exposes the dark arts physicists have been hiding for centuries! The right to "squint" at complex problems? That's just code for "I have no idea what I'm doing but will pretend otherwise." My personal favorite is the divine right to call anything we don't understand "unphysical" — basically the academic equivalent of taking your ball and going home when you're losing. And let's appreciate the beautiful hierarchy where physicists get to look down on "lower scientists" while mumbling gibberish when cornered. We're not making things up — we're "inventing fictitious forces" and "choosing convenient initial conditions." It's not laziness, it's the "principle of general triviality!" Next time your calculations don't add up, just declare dimensional inconsistency irrelevant because you're only interested in "order of magnitude." Physics: where being approximately wrong is exactly right!

The mathematician's first word trauma! Baby says "Pa..." and dad immediately thinks "Path integral?!" instead of waiting for "Papa!" This is what happens when your brain is permanently rewired by advanced calculus. That baby's college fund is definitely going toward therapy, not differential equations textbooks.