Patent Applications Be Like

Engineers proudly declaring they don't know basic math while simultaneously denying it has anything to do with their profession is peak engineering culture. The beautiful contradiction of someone presenting a slide that says "Just because we are engineers doesn't mean we know basic math" followed by the panicked clarification "I mean, we don't, but not because we're engineers!" is exactly why calculators were invented. Engineers will design a nuclear reactor but panic when asked to divide by hand. They're not bad at math because they're engineers—they're engineers because they're clever enough to find ways around doing math!

Engineers building a bridge with "g = 10 m/s² and π = 3" is like cooking with "eh, that looks like enough salt." The image shows two bridge sections that don't align because someone took mathematical shortcuts. Real gravity is 9.8 m/s² and π is 3.14159... but who has time for those pesky decimals? This is why we can't have nice infrastructure! Next time your GPS says "turn right in 3.14159 miles," just round it to 3 and enjoy swimming to your destination.

Engineering in a nutshell: expectations vs. reality. On the left, a perfect pink lollipop representing the idealized design. On the right, a grinding bit that vaguely resembles a lollipop—what you actually end up with after budget cuts, material constraints, and that one manager who says "close enough." The gap between theoretical models and fabricated reality is where engineers live their entire careers. Just another day of turning candy dreams into functional nightmares.

Electricity's personality changes drastically with voltage! Low voltage current is like that rule-following nerd who politely asks for permission slips—following conductors and obeying Ohm's law by taking paths of least resistance. High voltage, though? Total chaos energy. It transforms into a raging beast that creates its own conductive plasma channel through AIR ITSELF. That lightning bolt isn't asking for permission—it's tearing through the dielectric breakdown voltage of air (~3 million V/m) and ionizing a path wherever it pleases. It's basically electricity going from "may I please use the designated pathway?" to "I'LL MAKE MY OWN PATH THROUGH LITERAL SPACE!"

The irony is just *chef's kiss* here. People mock crystal enthusiasts for being "unscientific" while literally every digital device in their pocket depends on quartz crystal oscillators to function. These piezoelectric crystals vibrate at precise frequencies when electricity is applied, creating the heartbeat that keeps your CPU's clock ticking at exactly the right rate. Without these crystals, your smartphone would be about as useful as a paperweight with a fancy screen. Next time someone scoffs at "crystal energy," just point to their phone and smile smugly. Science doesn't care about your mockery—it's too busy using crystals to power the modern world.

Nothing says "I'm socially awkward but technically correct" like dropping anatomical engineering facts at the bar. The poor guy just wanted to enjoy his beer, but instead got an unsolicited lecture on penile hydraulics. This is exactly why scientists don't get invited to parties twice. Next time you're tempted to share that fascinating fluid dynamics tidbit, maybe wait until at least the second round of drinks.