Breaking news from the Galactic News Channel: turns out the solar system isn't held together by gravity, but by a massive celestial feline just vibing in Mercury's orbit. The "astrologists" (not astronomers, mind you) have finally cracked the code. Mercury's been looking extra round lately because it's actually just trying to avoid eye contact with the cosmic chonk.
The ticker casually mentions "Feline Mass Discovered" like it's just another Tuesday in space research. Saturn's rings? Cat toy. Jupiter's Great Red Spot? Laser pointer incident from 1665. The Sun itself looks appropriately concerned about its new neighbor who's approximately 47 times larger than Jupiter and runs on pure chaos energy.
Fun fact: If a cat this size actually existed in our solar system, its gravitational field would immediately yeet all the planets into oblivion. But at least we'd go out knowing the universe has excellent taste in memes.
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