Americans Will Use Anything But The Metric System

The cosmic joke here is brilliant! Just as our imaging technology improved to show Pluto in stunning detail (after its demotion from planet status in 2006), we also captured the first-ever image of a black hole in 2019. The punchline suggests your girlfriend has followed the same trajectory—from visible to completely vanished! Perhaps she's experiencing her own gravitational collapse into singularity? The scientific progression from "blurry blob" to "either gorgeous high-res image or complete absence" is cosmically perfect timing for this relationship humor.

Behold Uranus in all its glory! The seventh planet from our sun, famous for two things: its sideways rotation and being the butt of every astronomy joke since 1781. While the factoid about 63 Earths fitting inside is scientifically accurate, the creator knew exactly what they were doing with that phrasing. Just remember, whenever you're giving a planetary presentation and mention this ice giant, prepare for the inevitable snickering from the back row. Even after 30 years of teaching, I still have to pause for the giggles to subside.

Talk about rigging the competition! Earth claims 71 Miss Universe titles while the rest of the cosmos sits at a big fat zero. Of course we're winning—we're literally the only planet hosting the pageant. The cosmic equivalent of declaring yourself "World Champion" in a sport only your country plays. Meanwhile, those gorgeous nebulae and supernovae get zero recognition despite their dazzling light shows that make our sunsets look like cheap fireworks. The ultimate home field advantage: being the only known planet with beauty pageants, swimsuit competitions, and the evolutionary miracle of opposable thumbs to wave those sashes around.

Newton's famous law states "objects at rest stay at rest," yet the poor guy spent his career watching planets, apples, and light constantly in motion. The cosmic irony is that the man who defined inertia never actually observed it in nature. Just imagine him staring at the night sky muttering, "For once, could everything just... stop moving? I'm trying to prove a point here."

Cosmic booty calls travel at the speed of light. Galaxy B shifts from yellow-orange to bright blue when Galaxy A mentions empty parent galaxies—demonstrating that galaxies, like humans, experience sudden bursts of motivation when certain opportunities arise. Astronomers call this phenomenon "relativistic horniness," where a galaxy's emission spectrum blue-shifts due to rapid acceleration toward a potential mate. Never documented in peer-reviewed literature, for obvious reasons.

Interplanetary rideshare gone wrong! The top image shows a stranded astronaut on Mars (54.6 million km from Earth at closest approach) checking his phone for transportation, while his "driver" is casually cruising through space in a Tesla Roadster. That's one heck of a surge pricing situation! The average one-way light time between Earth and Mars is 13 minutes, so that "be there in a minute" promise is technically breaking several laws of physics. Good luck explaining that to your Martian colonization supervisor when you're late for your shift at the hydroponic potato farm!