I Have Attempted Science

Einstein's E = mc² just got a hilarious upgrade! On the left, we see the "complete" equation with all its academic complexity: E² = (pc)² + (mc²)² + AI² . Meanwhile, on the right, the simplified version for press conferences: E = mc² + AI . This is basically every scientist trying to explain their research to journalists. "Yes, I spent 7 years deriving this complex relativistic quantum equation, but sure, let's just say 'AI makes energy now' for your headline." The real joke? In 2023, adding "AI" to anything actually does increase its energy... at least in terms of funding and media attention! Physics hasn't changed, but grant applications certainly have.

The eternal battle between theory and reality in physics! On the left, we have a beautiful wave function (probably from quantum mechanics) with its elegant mathematical perfection. On the right, those five little dots connected in a circle represent actual experimental data points that refuse to form a nice continuous curve. Twenty years into your research career and you're still trying to convince yourself that those scattered data points "support the model." Good luck with your grant renewal!

The eternal struggle of lab safety officers vs. that one researcher who thinks rules are merely suggestions. Mouth pipetting - the forbidden technique passed down through generations of scientists who somehow survived. Sure, your PI said "never pipette by mouth" on day one, but then you discover why when your colleague is synthesizing dimethylmercury next door. Nothing says "career advancement" quite like becoming the cautionary tale in next year's safety training video.

Nothing screams "academic existential crisis" quite like downloading a 50-page arXiv paper at 2 AM only to understand approximately three words in the abstract. It's that magical repository where brilliant minds dump their unfiltered thoughts before peer review can tell them they forgot to explain why anyone should care. The last definition is clearly from someone who's spent too many lonely nights with differential equations. Though honestly, after staring at tensor calculus for 12 hours straight, even the acknowledgments section starts looking spicy.

Theoretical physicists be like "trust me bro, I can derive everything with math." Meanwhile, experimentalists are in the lab actually checking if reality agrees. This is basically asking if we can just sit in our comfy chairs with a pencil and derive quantum mechanics, relativity, and the Standard Model straight from F=ma. That face is the perfect "are you serious right now?" expression every experimental physicist makes when a theorist claims they don't need lab data. Spoiler alert: No amount of mathematical gymnastics gets you from classical mechanics to "spooky action at a distance" without someone actually observing it first. Nature loves to throw curveballs that no amount of elegant equations can predict!

Scientists: "Oops, we accidentally created a dinosaur-faced chicken!" The rest of humanity: "THERE ARE NO ACCIDENTS IN SCIENCE." Let's be real - nobody "accidentally" reverses 65 million years of evolution in a lab. Those geneticists knew exactly what they were doing. Birds are literally dinosaurs that survived the mass extinction event, just with fewer teeth and more Kentucky Fry potential. This is less "happy accident" and more "Jurassic Park with extra steps." Next they'll claim they "accidentally" gave it arms instead of wings and "whoopsie" it can open doors.