The Greatest Of All Time Paradox

The laws of gravity have officially confirmed what we all suspected: the moon's gravitational pull on your crush is roughly 10,000 times stronger than yours. The calculations don't lie—the moon exerts 1.07×10 -3 N of force while you're stuck at a pathetic 7.80×10 -8 N. Even Newton would shed a tear at this romantic catastrophe. Next time someone says "you're my world," just remember you're actually exerting less gravitational attraction than a distant space rock. Maybe try developing your own gravitational constant instead of those abs?

The eternal struggle between theoretical and experimental physicists in one image. While mathematicians insist a 2D square and 3D cube are fundamentally different dimensional constructs, the rest of us know what's really going on here. Some prefer their waifus as elegant mathematical abstractions, others want the messy reality with all its quantum uncertainties. And just like that, thousands of years of dimensional theory gets reduced to "which one would you date?" I've seen entire physics departments divided over less.

Someone skipped their basic physics classes! This genius proposal to hang a skyscraper upside-down from an asteroid combines the impracticality of tethering to a moving celestial body with the sheer impossibility of materials science. Even if we ignore the asteroid's orbit (which we can't), the tensile strength required would make spider silk look like wet toilet paper. But hey, at least the CEO is quoting Wayne Gretzky via Michael Scott, because nothing says "sound engineering" like motivational quotes from a hockey player filtered through a fictional paper company manager. Next proposal: using unicorn hair as elevator cables!

While everyone else was busy dying from the plague, Newton was at home discovering that white light contains the entire spectrum of colors. Classic Newton move. Quarantined in his country house during the 1665-1666 Great Plague, he's just there with a prism going "rainbow go brrr" while society collapses. The man invented calculus as a side project during this time too, because apparently not even a pandemic can stop the relentless march of physics. Some people stress-bake during lockdowns; Newton revolutionized our understanding of light.

When two physicists fight over an atom, nuclear fission is the only solution! The comic brilliantly updates the biblical Solomon story with a modern atomic twist. Instead of cutting a baby in half, King Solomon's judgment is to literally split the atom - resulting in that mushroom cloud finale. Talk about an explosive resolution to a custody battle! Next time your colleague claims they discovered a particle first, maybe consider sharing the Nobel Prize instead of asking Solomon for help. Your lab might appreciate staying intact.

When a physics textbook casually drops that Planck's constant is "a vestigial object, like the male nipple," you know you're dealing with some top-tier scientific shade. 🔥 The textbook is basically saying this fundamental quantum physics constant is just hanging around in classical formulas as a useless evolutionary leftover. Just like male nipples - technically present but serving no functional purpose beyond reminding us where we came from! Imagine being Planck's constant - essential for quantum mechanics but getting roasted as "redundant" in classical physics. That's the scientific equivalent of being told "you had one job."