My Beef With Isaac Newton Continues

Schrödinger would be proud. Here's a cat simultaneously existing on a scale yet registering zero mass—the perfect quantum superposition. In quantum physics, particles exhibit wave-particle duality, existing in multiple states until measured. Much like how this cat seems to defy the scale's measurement while clearly being present. The ultimate quantum loophole: if you don't register on the scale, those treats technically added zero calories.

Look at this cosmic daredevil! Neil deGrasse Tyson casually posing next to a black hole like it's just another day at the astrophysics office. That's the equivalent of taking a selfie with a shark while covered in fish guts! The black hole's gravity is so intense it should be turning him into cosmic spaghetti faster than you can say "gravitational tidal forces." But don't worry—it's just TV magic! In reality, if he were this close, he'd be stretched molecule by molecule into the thinnest Neil-noodle in the universe. The man explains space for a living but apparently missed the "don't stand next to objects that devour light itself" memo. His confidence is truly... astronomical! 🌌

The calculus conspiracy has finally been exposed! What they're showing is the chain rule for derivatives being simplified by canceling out the "dx" terms like they're fractions - which is mathematically illegal but somehow gives the right answer. It's like cooking meth but for differential equations. Math professors have been screaming "YOU CAN'T CANCEL THE DIFFERENTIALS LIKE THAT!" for centuries while secretly knowing it works anyway. Big Calculus doesn't want you questioning their authority!

The most honest physics textbook introduction ever written! Centuries of brilliant minds and we're still stumped by quantum mechanics, general relativity, fluid dynamics, and time itself. Physics in a nutshell: "We've figured out the easy parts, but the rest? Total mystery." That's why physicists drink coffee by the gallon—they're trying to understand why their field is simultaneously the most precise science and also completely baffling. The best part? This textbook probably costs $300 despite admitting they don't know what's going on.

Nuclear energy gets the worst PR campaign in scientific history. Someone calls uranium "magic rocks that boil water" and they're technically correct—that's literally what nuclear power plants do. We split atoms to... heat water. Revolutionary! But one meltdown and suddenly everyone's treating nuclear energy like it killed their childhood pet. Meanwhile, fossil fuels are actively cooking the entire planet and we're like "but what about Chernobyl though?" The comparison to prehistoric humans abandoning fire after one accident is painfully accurate. Thirty years teaching thermodynamics and I've never seen a better analogy for our irrational energy policy. Nuclear power: it's just spicy steam.

Turns out quantum mechanics isn't just for subatomic particles! Just like electrons that refuse to be pinned down when you're looking at them (thanks, Heisenberg), humans mysteriously transform into completely different entities when observed. Your boyfriend might not understand why you suddenly become a different person around your parents, but electrons have been pulling this stunt since the dawn of time. The universe's original commitment-phobes aren't electrons—they're just honest about their uncertainty principle.