For 10 Marks, I'll Prove Anything

Nuclear research funding in a nutshell. Government happily plays with weapons development while tossing occasional funding scraps to clean energy, which is basically drowning at this point. Meanwhile, fundamental physics research sits forgotten at the bottom of the ocean like a skeleton in a lawn chair. Typical. Been running the same particle accelerator since 1987 because "budget constraints," but somehow there's always money for a new warhead design. Just another day in the glamorous world of science funding.

The mathematical mom just dropped the most savage physics burn of all time! Those equations at the bottom aren't just decoration—they're showing that both kids have the same momentum (p=mv), but the second child has way more kinetic energy (E=½mv²). Translation: "I love you both equally" quickly becomes "I love the faster one more" because energy increases with the square of velocity! That's not just playing favorites—that's mathematically proven favoritism! 😂 This is exactly why physicists shouldn't be trusted with parenting decisions. Equal momentum does NOT mean equal love when kinetic energy has entered the chat!

The confident physicist claims he can understand anything, then immediately crumbles when faced with quantum spin. Classic! Quantum spin is that delightful property of subatomic particles that has absolutely nothing to do with actual spinning. It's just mathematically similar enough to angular momentum that some sleep-deprived physicist in the 1920s said "eh, close enough" and the name stuck. Even veteran physicists who can recite the equations in their sleep still can't intuitively explain what spin actually is . It's like trying to explain why your cat suddenly sprints across the room at 3 AM—there's a mathematical description, but no one truly understands the phenomenon.

Behold! The eternal mathematical paradox in physical form! This DIY contraption is the perfect metaphor for trying to sneak division by zero into your calculations. You've got a homemade perpetual motion machine that's about as functional as claiming 5÷0=unicorns. The LED light and spinning mechanism are just sitting there, ready to break the laws of physics—much like how division by zero breaks the laws of mathematics! It's that moment when your professor asks "show your work" and you've constructed an elaborate device to distract from the mathematical heresy hiding in your equations. Mathematical sleight of hand at its finest!

The eternal cycle of dating as a scientist. Meet someone interesting, engage in conversation, mention your actual profession, and watch them vanish faster than volatile compounds in an open beaker. My personal record is 3 minutes from "I'm a quantum physicist" to "I just remembered I have to feed my neighbor's cat." I've started telling people I'm a professional bubble wrap popper. Gets me to date two at least.

The original remote worker productivity flex! While everyone else was busy dying of plague, Newton's sitting at home like "might invent calculus today, idk." The rest of us used our pandemic lockdown to bake sourdough and watch Tiger King, meanwhile this guy revolutionized mathematics and physics during his WFH period. That "It's showtime..." reaction is every modern remote worker planning to change their Slack status to "focusing" before proceeding to do absolutely nothing revolutionary whatsoever. Newton didn't even need Zoom—just an apple and some serious galaxy brain energy.