Is Zero A Number? The Subway Showdown

Even the toughest among us have our kryptonite. Calculus—that mathematical nightmare where limits approach infinity but student motivation approaches zero. Derivatives, integrals, and theorems that make grown adults wake up in cold sweats decades after graduation. The only thing more terrifying than the math itself? The professor announcing "This will be on the exam" for a concept you definitely didn't understand.

The mathematically buff Doge on the left represents the "weakest" exponential growth (1.0000000000001ˣ), which despite its tiny base still absolutely demolishes the "strongest" polynomial growth (x^99999999999999999) represented by the wimpy Doge on the right. That's the brutal reality of asymptotic behavior—no matter how massive your polynomial exponent is, any exponential function will eventually surpass it. Countless CS students have learned this the hard way when their "optimized" algorithms suddenly collapse under large inputs. Nature knows this trick too—see: bacteria populations vs your immune system's initial response.

The mathematical multiverse of distance metrics just got a hilarious upgrade! What starts as a legitimate math lesson on distance functions (Euclidean, Manhattan, Cosine, etc.) quickly derails into absurdity. Sure, Minkowski distance with its variable p-norm is mathematically sound, but then we're suddenly measuring separation in football fields, social distancing (6ft!), political divides, and—my personal favorite—"Homeric distance" showing Odysseus's ridiculously inefficient journey across ancient Greece. It's the perfect representation of what happens when your math professor has both a PhD and an untreated comedy addiction. Linear algebra students everywhere are nodding in painful recognition while secretly wishing their textbooks included the football field metric.

The peak of mathematical efficiency: why waste time on rigorous proofs when you can just cite someone who already did the heavy lifting? This "proof" brilliantly reduces Lambert's complex 1761 demonstration that π is irrational to essentially "because Lambert said so." It's the mathematical equivalent of answering a question with "Google it." Next semester I'll be teaching a new course: Advanced Citation Techniques for the Mathematically Lazy.

The numerical literacy crisis strikes again! This conversation perfectly captures why the A&W 1/3 pound burger actually failed against McDonald's 1/4 pounder. Many Americans genuinely thought 1/4 was bigger than 1/3 because, well, 4 is bigger than 3! The second person in this exchange demonstrates this exact confusion when they can't even recognize the inequality symbols. Fractions: defeating hungry Americans since the 1980s. The mathematical trauma is real.

This is mathematical sorcery at its finest! 🧙‍♂️ What looks like a complex calculus equation is actually a brilliant play on notation. When you differentiate 3² with respect to 3 (which isn't even a variable!), you somehow get 23. Pure mathematical rebellion! It's like telling the laws of calculus "I don't play by your rules" and somehow getting away with it. The beauty is in how it breaks every mathematical convention while looking perfectly legitimate at first glance. Mathematicians are currently having heart palpitations looking at this!