Engineering Is Really About Talking Shit

Searching for "weight of a block of pyramid" and getting the answer in refrigerators. Because clearly, ancient Egyptians measured everything in kitchen appliances. "How heavy is this massive stone?" "Oh, about 7 Samsung side-by-sides." No wonder it took 20 years to build the pyramids—they were busy converting from refrigerator units to cubits.

Engineers round it up to 2 because "close enough for the bridge to probably stay up." Statisticians approximate it to 1.7 because decimals are just suggestions. Physicists calculate it to 1.73205 and still worry they missed something. But mathematicians? They're sitting there with a maniacal grin because √3 doesn't need to be anything else. It's a perfect, irrational beauty existing exactly as it is. No approximations. No compromises. Just pure, undiluted mathematical truth that makes them giggle with deranged joy. It's like watching someone fall in love with an abstract concept while everyone else is just trying to get practical results!

The holy trinity of conversational landmines! While society has social taboos about asking women their age or men their salary, engineering students have developed a special trauma around the dreaded "how's your thesis going?" question. Nothing triggers fight-or-flight response faster than having to explain why that simulation is still running after 8 months or why you've rewritten your literature review 17 times. The engineering student's haunted expression says it all - somewhere behind those goggles is a soul questioning every life decision that led to this academic purgatory.

The engineering identity crisis, perfectly captured by SpongeBob's forced smile. Nothing quite like spending 4 years drowning in differential equations and thermodynamics only to watch someone who learned which end of a screwdriver is pointy declare themselves your professional equal. That smile hides the internal screaming of every engineering student who's contemplating whether those 400 all-nighters were worth it. The credential inflation epidemic claims another victim!

Engineers aren't just problem-solvers—they're caffeine-powered sarcasm generators! The flowchart nails the engineering lifecycle with brutal honesty: feed an engineer problems and coffee, and out comes solutions... with a complimentary side dish of sarcasm that nobody ordered. The "side effect" label is particularly brilliant because, like any good engineering documentation, it acknowledges the unintended outputs that management pretends don't exist. Every engineer knows that caffeine-to-code conversion rate is directly proportional to the amount of deadpan commentary produced along the way.

So this is what happens when you give an engineer a lemon, a potato, and a clock. Apparently time travel requires fewer components than my microwave. The schematics look suspiciously like someone just taped produce to a Timex and called it revolutionary physics. Still waiting for my DeLorean powered by fruit salad.