The Real Chemistry Yield Calculator

The evolution of questionable lab techniques, illustrated perfectly. The pyramid represents the primitive "orange succ ball" method—standard issue for beginners. Meanwhile, the futuristic floating structure represents the forbidden "mouth pipetting" technique—outlawed in labs since the 1970s but secretly practiced by those who think lab safety protocols are just "suggestions." Nothing says "I trust my immune system" quite like using your mouth to draw up unknown chemicals. Darwin would be taking notes.

That moment when your brain short-circuits because there are just TOO MANY scientific "V" variables! Physics throws Voltage and Velocity at you, chemistry hits you with Volume and Valine, engineering sneaks in Viscosity, and biology slides in Volumetric flow rate. No wonder scientists look contemplative with pens in their mouths - they're trying to remember which "V" they're supposed to be using in their equations! Next time someone asks "what does V stand for?" just respond "yes." 😂

When your crush says "be spontaneous" but your brain is permanently wired for thermodynamics. The equation ΔG

The classic academic bait-and-switch! First panel: innocent student thinks they'll major in math until they step on that rake of reality. Second panel: the realization that math is actually HARD sends them running for cover. But wait—it gets better! The bottom panel reveals the full academic hierarchy trap: Biology majors discover they need chemistry, chemistry students learn it's just applied physics, and physics majors realize it's all applied mathematics anyway. It's the circle of academic life! Basically, no matter which science door you choose to enter, mathematics is waiting at the end with a sinister grin saying "you thought you could escape me?" The universe's cruelest joke is that we're all math majors in the end—we just took different routes to the inevitable.

Ever performed the classic broke-student dilution experiment? That moment when you're squeezing the last pathetic drops from your shampoo bottle and think, "I've got a PhD in Household Chemistry!" Water + remnant surfactant = infinite shampoo, right? Pure genius! Except what you've actually created is a sad, watery solution that barely produces bubbles and leaves your hair feeling like you washed it with dishwater. Congratulations on your groundbreaking contribution to the field of false economy. Next week's lecture: why microwaving leftover pizza on a paper towel doesn't make you a culinary scientist.

The classic 2x2 matrix of academic despair. Chemistry students exist in four quantum states: understanding the material and passing, understanding but failing anyway, not understanding but somehow passing (pure statistical luck), or the most common state—clueless and failing spectacularly. The title reference to Schrödinger's cat is apt—until you take the exam, you simultaneously exist in all states of chemical comprehension and incomprehension. Trust me, I've occupied that bottom-left quadrant more times than I care to admit during my PhD. Passed without understanding a single reaction mechanism. My advisor still doesn't know.