Salty Attracts Salty? False!

The speedometer shows 100 mph because inorganic chemists refuse to leave a single element unexplored. "I paid for the whole Periodic Table, I'm gonna use the whole Periodic Table" is basically the chemist's version of getting your money's worth. While organic chemists are playing with carbon and hydrogen like they're running a limited menu restaurant, inorganic chemists are over here like "Give me that ruthenium-selenium complex with a dash of ytterbium, please." Nothing says scientific dedication quite like synthesizing compounds that have no business existing just because you can.

Oh how the mighty have fallen! The 1925 chemist casually mouth-pipetting concentrated sulfuric acid—you know, just the stuff that can dissolve your organs—while today's lab coat warriors have existential crises over microscopic acetic acid splashes (basically fancy vinegar) on their gloves. Back in my day, we didn't just flirt with danger—we took it to dinner, never called it back, and still expected lab results the next morning. Now we have three safety briefings before you're allowed to look at a beaker sideways. Progress? Perhaps. But something tells me Marie Curie is rolling in her (likely still radioactive) grave.

Drawing a perfect hexagon with delocalized π electrons? Mission impossible! That wonky benzene attempt is every chem student's reality. The beautiful C 6 H 6 structure with its alternating double bonds that we're supposed to sketch elegantly on exams? Yeah right. My benzene rings look like they were drawn during an earthquake after 3 energy drinks. But hey, resonance structures don't judge—they just resonate with our artistic failures. Chemistry professors somehow expect us to channel Leonardo da Vinci when all we have is the hand-eye coordination of a caffeinated squirrel.

Nothing says "spontaneous" like dropping thermodynamic equations in your DMs! Our poor scientist tried to impress his crush with "ΔG spontaneously . Clearly his date wasn't a chemistry major, hence the "wtf" response. The irony is delicious – using a scientific definition of spontaneity is possibly the least spontaneous thing imaginable. This is why scientists remain single long enough to finish their PhDs.

From fearless sulfuric acid mouth-pipetting to panicking over dilute acetic acid on gloves—chemistry safety standards have come a LONG way! The 1925 chemist (buff Doge) is casually announcing they'll use their mouth to pipette H₂SO₄ (a horrifyingly corrosive acid that would destroy their esophagus), while modern chemists (small Doge) freak out over 0.00001M acetic acid (basically fancy vinegar) touching their protective gear. It's like going from "I'll juggle these chainsaws blindfolded" to "Help! I touched a butter knife!" Safety evolution is real, folks—and our internal organs are thankful!

Chemistry nerds understand the pain! Poor Jared just got dumped for someone with superior electron-shuffling skills. Balancing redox reactions—where electrons transfer between chemical species—is notoriously tricky and time-consuming for many chemistry students. The punchline delivers a perfect double meaning: Jared's simple "OH" response works both as emotional defeat AND as the chemical formula for hydroxide, a common player in redox reactions. No wonder he can't compete with Mr. 30-Seconds-Redox-Balancer... some electron affinities just can't be overcome!