Will We Ever Learn?

The ultimate gut flora showdown! On the left, yogurt (with berries) proudly waves its "PRO BIOTICS" sign, representing beneficial bacteria that improve digestive health. On the right, an angry antibiotic pill bottle protests with its "ANTI BIOTICS" sign—literally designed to kill bacteria. These two are locked in an eternal microbiome battle inside your intestines. One builds your bacterial army while the other carpet-bombs it indiscriminately. Next time your doctor prescribes antibiotics, your yogurt might give you that same disappointed side-eye.

The perfect scientific troll question doesn't exi— Oh wait, it does! This tweet asking for "wrong answers only" about Watson and Crick while showing David Tennant and Michael Sheen from Good Omens is peak science humor. The real Watson and Crick famously discovered DNA's double helix structure (while conveniently downplaying Rosalind Franklin's crucial X-ray crystallography work). The beauty of this joke is that answering with the actual scientists' names would technically be following the "wrong answers only" instruction. It's a paradoxical trap that would make even Schrödinger's cat nervous!

This flowchart is what happens when career counselors have a mental breakdown. Engineering? Only if you're "good with things." Chemistry? Congratulations on your future as a "fussy pedant." And let's not forget Computer Science, perfect for those who prefer "slow, indirect evil" over the more efficient varieties. The beautiful part is how it nails the existential crisis of every STEM student. "Why do you want to major in a STEM field?" Options include "curiosity" (adorable), "to save the planet" (delusional), or my personal favorite, the dawning realization that STEM was supposed to involve actual plants for Biology majors. After 30 years of teaching, I can confirm this is approximately 87% accurate. The missing 13% is the path where you choose your major based on which department has the least uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.

The perfect reaction to anyone who starts a sentence with "But evolution is just a theo-" and doesn't finish with "-ry supported by mountains of evidence across multiple scientific disciplines." Nothing triggers natural selection of my patience faster than someone who clearly missed the day we learned the difference between scientific theories and wild guesses. Darwin's finches didn't diversify over millions of years just for someone to dismiss it during Thanksgiving dinner.

Nothing exposes our scientific illiteracy quite like marine biology. We've turned sharks into bloodthirsty monsters when they're just swimming around thinking "blub blub" like aquatic golden retrievers. Meanwhile, dolphins—those smiling sociopaths—get Disney movies while actually being the ocean's most calculating predators. Fun marine biology fact: dolphins are known to use dead fish as pleasure toys and bully porpoises to death for sport. But sure, let's keep fearing the shark that's statistically less likely to harm you than a vending machine. Hollywood's portrayal of marine life is about as scientifically accurate as using a Magic 8-Ball for weather forecasting.

In a brilliant twist on superhero origin stories, this comic reveals humanity's true superpower: existential dread! While other species are busy surviving and thriving, humans uniquely evolved the ability to feel profound sadness about concepts that don't physically exist. We're the only creatures who lose sleep contemplating the inevitable heat death of the universe or whether our Netflix watchlist has become too judgmental. Evolution really outdid itself giving us thumbs AND the capacity to spiral into philosophical despair about impermanence while staring at the ceiling at 2AM. Nature's cruelest joke might be that we're smart enough to understand the universe but not smart enough to be happy about it.