The Father-In-Law Is Definitely Carl Sagan

The great planetary identity crisis of 2006 still divides generations! On one side, professors who've embraced the International Astronomical Union's reclassification of Pluto as a "dwarf planet." On the other, those of us who memorized "My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Nine Pizzas" and refuse to accept "My Very Eager Mother Just Served Us Noodles." The scientific community literally demoted a celestial body we'd grown attached to for 76 years! No wonder millennials have trust issues—they took away our ninth planet mid-education and expected us to just roll with it. Justice for the 2,377 km wide ice ball that's still planetary in our hearts!

Theoretical physicists vs. Christopher Nolan! The top panel shows rejecting complex mathematical equations (the way actual physicists might explain wormholes with Einstein-Rosen bridges and spacetime curvature). Meanwhile, the bottom panel enthusiastically approves the "fold a paper and stick a pencil through it" explanation that Interstellar made famous! 🚀 It's that perfect moment when a complicated concept gets dumbed down to "just poke a hole through the universe" and suddenly everyone thinks they understand relativity. Who needs years of quantum physics when you have office supplies?

The perfect illustration of the first law of academic thermodynamics: knowledge increases while financial stability decreases. This poor soul has clearly spent enough time with cosmology textbooks to understand the universe's accelerating expansion, but not enough time with a financial advisor to prevent his own economic collapse. It's the classic physics student paradox - smart enough to understand dark energy, not smart enough to realize those textbooks cost more than a small planet. Next semester he'll discover that his student debt is expanding faster than the observable universe - a phenomenon even Einstein never had to calculate.

The forbidden taste test of scientific disciplines. Chemistry's emphatic warning is just basic lab safety—those compounds will absolutely dissolve your taste buds and possibly your face. Geologists licking rocks is actually legitimate methodology to identify minerals (clay sticks to your tongue). Physics doesn't even operate on a lickable plane of existence. And let's be honest, the 9pm debugging session where you're testing a 9-volt battery on your tongue because you've exhausted all rational troubleshooting methods? We've all been there. As for astronomy's Uranus joke... well, that's just what happens when scientists are sleep-deprived after 72 straight hours at the telescope.

Behold, the rare application of calendar science to streaming economics. Creating a Netflix account on February 29th (leap day) for a "free month" technically gives you a 4-year subscription since that specific date only appears once every four years. It's the temporal equivalent of finding a loophole in the universe's terms of service. Sadly, Netflix's algorithms are slightly more sophisticated than astronomical phenomena. Their definition of "month" doesn't rely on the return of a specific calendar date, but rather a 30-day countdown. Still, I appreciate the beautiful intersection of celestial mechanics and attempted subscription fraud.

The duality of physicists! Dismisses astrology as "made up nonsense" but gets absolutely giddy about theoretical spacetime tunnels that might not even exist. Sure, wormholes are mathematically consistent with general relativity, but so is my theory that grading papers causes temporal distortion. The irony of rejecting star signs while worshipping equations that describe cosmic shortcuts nobody's ever seen is just *chef's kiss*. Next time someone scoffs at your horoscope, ask them about their feelings on string theory.