One Star Review Of The Cosmos

The cosmic joke here is brilliant! Just as our imaging technology improved to show Pluto in stunning detail (after its demotion from planet status in 2006), we also captured the first-ever image of a black hole in 2019. The punchline suggests your girlfriend has followed the same trajectory—from visible to completely vanished! Perhaps she's experiencing her own gravitational collapse into singularity? The scientific progression from "blurry blob" to "either gorgeous high-res image or complete absence" is cosmically perfect timing for this relationship humor.

The ultimate escalation of car salesmanship! While regular dealers are stuck in the "cargo space?" conversation (like, can I fit my groceries in this thing?), Elon Musk is out here taking the phrase literally and launching actual cars into actual space. It's the perfect punchline to the "car go road" dad joke - because why settle for roads when you can have orbit? This is what happens when you give a space enthusiast billions of dollars and nobody to tell him "maybe don't put a perfectly good Tesla in the vacuum of space." But hey, that's one way to avoid traffic!

The comic brilliantly plays on astronomical facts with religious terminology. Mars (the red planet) has only two moons, Phobos and Deimos, while Jupiter has a staggering 95 confirmed moons. The "Catholic" reference is a clever nod to large families traditionally associated with Catholicism. In the final panel, Jupiter looks absolutely overwhelmed by its excessive lunar offspring. Classic case of astronomical birth control failure.

Comparing Musk to Einstein? *throws beaker across lab* PREPOSTEROUS! But Percival Lowell? *adjusts crooked glasses* Now THAT'S scientifically accurate! Remember Lowell? The wealthy astronomer who spent his fortune building observatories to study "canals" on Mars that didn't actually exist? He was convinced Martians built them! Sound familiar? Sometimes having money to fund science doesn't mean understanding the science you're funding! *cackles maniacally while scribbling equations*

Scientific gatekeeping strikes again! First they came for Pluto, now they're coming for hydrogen? The image shows what appears to be an atom or atomic structure visualization, while the fake news headline claims hydrogen is getting kicked off the periodic table for being "too small" — just like Pluto got demoted from planet status. The cherry on top is that additional "breakthrough" about "Sus Scrofa" test flights (that's just the scientific name for domestic pigs). Looks like someone's trying to make chemistry as controversial as astronomy! Next week's headline: "Electrons deemed too negative, replaced with more upbeat particles."

Plot twist: We literally DO have a giant fusion reactor in the sky! The Sun is nature's perfect nuclear fusion plant, smashing hydrogen atoms together to create helium and releasing MASSIVE amounts of energy that's been powering our entire planet for billions of years! The irony is delicious - while we struggle to build fusion reactors on Earth (still waiting on that "just 30 years away" promise), we're bathing in the free energy from a 1.4-million-kilometer wide fusion reactor that's already running 24/7. Solar panels are just us finally getting smart enough to tap into this cosmic power plant! Turns out the renewable energy folks were right all along - God (or physics, take your pick) already hooked us up with the ultimate clean energy solution!