Can't Wait To Have McDonald's On Mars

The comic brilliantly plays on astronomical facts with religious terminology. Mars (the red planet) has only two moons, Phobos and Deimos, while Jupiter has a staggering 95 confirmed moons. The "Catholic" reference is a clever nod to large families traditionally associated with Catholicism. In the final panel, Jupiter looks absolutely overwhelmed by its excessive lunar offspring. Classic case of astronomical birth control failure.

The planets are basically saying "it's not our fault your horoscope is garbage!" Imagine blaming celestial bodies minding their own orbital business for why you ghosted your date or impulse-bought that weird kitchen gadget. Those giant balls of rock and gas are too busy dealing with gravity and not getting sucked into the sun to care about your promotion or dating life. They're literally millions of miles away thinking, "I'm just trying to complete my orbit in peace, and humans are out here saying Mercury retrograde is why they sent that regrettable text."

Nothing says "I'm a physics major" quite like using astronomical distances to measure the duration of your feelings. 2.5 light-years is approximately 14.7 trillion miles—enough time for her to read that text, roll her eyes into another galaxy, and hit block faster than a neutrino passes through matter. Pro tip: If you're going to be scientifically romantic, at least get the units right. Light-years measure distance, not time—though in this case, the distance between these two just became infinite.

The perfect intersection of dad humor and astronomy! This cosmic pun plays on the double meaning of "star" - both as a rating metric and the fact that our solar system literally has one star: the Sun. It's the kind of joke that makes astrophysicists simultaneously groan and secretly appreciate. Next time someone asks about our cosmic neighborhood's Yelp score, you've got the perfect response ready.

The classic budget hypocrisy in full bloom! Nothing triggers fiscal outrage quite like spending money on understanding our universe ($0.5B), but pump nearly $750B into military toys? That's just patriotism, baby! The flower's dramatic transformation perfectly captures how quickly certain generations switch from "how dare you waste taxpayer money on SCIENCE?!" to blissful acceptance of a defense budget that could fund NASA 15 times over. Priorities, am I right? Maybe if we told them Mars is harboring weapons of mass destruction, we'd have a colony there by Tuesday.

Ever seen a cosmic mic drop? That's what happens when a magnetar decides to flex. While Earth's biggest earthquakes max out at magnitude 15 on the Richter scale (enough to crack the planet like an egg), magnetars casually emit "starquakes" at magnitude 32. That's not just planet-destroying—that's "rearrange-the-fabric-of-spacetime" energy. The Swift Observatory's X-ray detectors are basically wearing sunglasses to a supernova, about to get their electronic retinas fried. Magnetars are neutron stars with magnetic fields so powerful they could wipe your credit cards from halfway across the solar system. SGR 1806-20's little tantrum in 2004 released more energy in 0.1 seconds than our Sun produces in 100,000 YEARS. Talk about overachieving.