...And Sent To Earth At 2.7 KB/S

When you realize combinatorial math produces numbers so ridiculously large that even the estimated 10 80 atoms in the observable universe seems like pocket change. Mathematicians casually calculating 52! for a deck of cards while physicists have an existential crisis in the corner. It's the ultimate "well, actually..." moment when someone thinks astronomy has the biggest numbers.

The radical proposition of a 13-month calendar isn't just some random thought experiment—it's actually the International Fixed Calendar, proposed by Moses Cotsworth in the early 1900s. Each month would have exactly 28 days (4 perfect weeks), with the 365th day being a special "Year Day" belonging to no month or week. Leap years? Just add another special day. The lunar cycle is approximately 29.5 days, so we'd be closer to lunar alignment but still off. The real kicker? Companies actually tried this. Kodak used this calendar internally from 1928 to 1989. Sixty-one years of 13 months called things like "Sol" and "Liberty." Would it work? Sure. Would humans collectively agree to change something as fundamental as our calendar? We can't even agree on whether pineapple belongs on pizza.

Ever called a supergiant star "little"? That's like calling a T-Rex a "cute lizard"! 107,280 km radius is roughly 15 times bigger than Earth's diameter! The cat's judgy expression is every astrophysicist hearing someone recite "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" at a conference. Stars that massive don't twinkle—they dominate! They're the celestial bodybuilders flexing in our night sky while we naively sing nursery rhymes about their "littleness." Next time you look up, remember: that "little" star could swallow our solar system for breakfast and still have room for cosmic dessert!

Behold the ultimate cosmic pickup line! While astrology believers think celestial bodies determine personality traits, the physics enthusiast knows the REAL truth - everything from your morning coffee choice to meeting your soulmate was encoded in the universe's source code 13.8 billion years ago! Superdeterminism suggests free will is just an illusion since every particle interaction since the Big Bang has been following an inescapable script. So technically, you didn't choose to laugh at this meme... the fundamental forces of nature made you do it! *twirls test tube maniacally*

The stairway to physics enlightenment is steep, my friends. That poor kid thinks he can skip straight to black holes without trudging through the algebraic trenches first. Reminds me of every freshman who walks into my office wanting to discuss string theory when they can't even solve a basic differential equation. The universe has a cruel sense of humor—making the coolest parts of physics require the most mathematical suffering. Trust me, kid, you'll need those algebra steps when you're trying to calculate whether you'll get spaghettified or just instantly vaporized when crossing the event horizon.

The haircut literally resembles the narrow habitable zone of a tidally-locked exoplanet—that thin strip between eternal scorching daylight and freezing darkness where liquid water might exist. Astronomers spend decades searching for these cosmic Goldilocks zones, only for this guy to wear one on his head. The barber understood the assignment with surgical precision. Next time I publish in The Astrophysical Journal , I'm using this as my author photo.