When Physics Nerds Fall In Love

Nuclear research funding in a nutshell. Government happily plays with weapons development while tossing occasional funding scraps to clean energy, which is basically drowning at this point. Meanwhile, fundamental physics research sits forgotten at the bottom of the ocean like a skeleton in a lawn chair. Typical. Been running the same particle accelerator since 1987 because "budget constraints," but somehow there's always money for a new warhead design. Just another day in the glamorous world of science funding.

GASP! The physics panic is real! When physicists hear about "antibodies," their particle-physics brains immediately jump to "anti-bodies" — as in antimatter versions of themselves! 🤯 For those who skipped quantum day: when matter meets its antimatter twin, they annihilate in a spectacular energy explosion. So naturally, a physicist hearing they have "antibodies" inside them is having an existential crisis faster than light through vacuum! That hamster's face is the universal expression for "WHY AM I NOT EXPLODING RIGHT NOW?!"

The Schrödinger equation of your relationship just got complicated! Top equation: the honeymoon phase where you only need to worry about basic kinetic and potential energy. Bottom equation: a year later when you've unlocked new relationship operators including the dreaded spin-orbit coupling term. Your relationship's quantum state went from "simple two-body problem" to "needs a supercomputer to solve." Relationships follow the Second Law of Thermodynamics—they naturally progress toward maximum complexity until someone's wavefunction collapses on the couch.

Nuclear physicists staring at their hand of radiation units like they're playing the world's worst card game. "Use one unit or draw 25? Guess I'll take the entire deck." Between becquerels, curies, rads, grays, sieverts, and rems, it's like someone designed a measurement system specifically to torture grad students. The real fallout isn't from the reactor—it's from trying to convert between these units on your next exam.

This flowchart is what happens when career counselors have a mental breakdown. Engineering? Only if you're "good with things." Chemistry? Congratulations on your future as a "fussy pedant." And let's not forget Computer Science, perfect for those who prefer "slow, indirect evil" over the more efficient varieties. The beautiful part is how it nails the existential crisis of every STEM student. "Why do you want to major in a STEM field?" Options include "curiosity" (adorable), "to save the planet" (delusional), or my personal favorite, the dawning realization that STEM was supposed to involve actual plants for Biology majors. After 30 years of teaching, I can confirm this is approximately 87% accurate. The missing 13% is the path where you choose your major based on which department has the least uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.

When you're a physics student trying to survive calculus with mathematical blasphemy! The derivative notation dy/dx isn't technically a fraction, but treating it like one sometimes gives correct answers through a mathematical miracle called the "chain rule." Calculus teachers watching physics students divide these symbols like fractions be like: *internal screaming intensifies* But hey, if it gets you through your physics exam without summoning a black hole, who's complaining?