The Standard Model Of Mental Breakdowns

Behold, the alternative universe where physics is brutally honest. The Standard Model has evolved from describing fundamental forces to cataloging mental illnesses, with force carriers like "glueon" (blue glue) and "Hugs❤️" priced at $7.15B. Quarks now have price tags instead of just masses, with "top" costing a cool $800M while "bottom" is a bargain at $300M. My personal favorite is the "mewon" particle, clearly discovered by a physicist who spent too much time with their cat. The "2π" particle costs exactly $45M, which is approximately the funding needed to convince a committee this isn't complete nonsense. Sponsored by Lipton, because even theoretical physicists need tea to cope with the existential dread of particle nomenclature.