The Particle Physics Of Generational Trauma

Particle physics meets generational trauma! Someone's reimagined the Standard Model as a taxonomy of existential dread where quarks are generational stereotypes (complete with duck-bill aesthetics), and force carriers are literally "mental illnesses." The "up" quark is a Boomer worth $1B, while the "top" quark is Gen Z at a cool $800M. Meanwhile, the gluon is just a bottle of glue, and "Hugs" replaces the Higgs boson at a whopping $7.15B. My favorite touch? The "mewon" particle that's clearly a cat-physics pun with its little whiskers. Honestly, this explains why my research funding keeps disappearing into the quantum foam—it's all going to particle therapy sessions.