Dreaming about rockets? Pure joy. Calculating the actual thrust-to-weight ratios, specific impulse variables, and differential equations that govern propellant mass flow? Welcome to the existential crisis that is rocket science.
The Tsiolkovsky rocket equation doesn't care about your dreams or how many times you've watched SpaceX launches. It only cares about crushing your spirit with logarithmic relationships between velocity change and mass ratios.
And that, kids, is why we have computer simulations now. Because nobody wants to cry over partial derivatives at 2 AM.