We Did It Chat: The Self-Named Theorem

When the Pythagorean Theorem (a² + b² = c²) just isn't cutting it anymore, mathematicians pull out the big guns! The Law of Cosines is like Pythagoras' sophisticated older sibling who studied abroad and came back with fancy new features. That negative term with the cosine is basically math saying "but wait, there's more!" Perfect for those pesky non-right triangles that refuse to conform to 90° angles. Geometry teachers everywhere are nodding knowingly while students frantically update their cheat sheets.

The statistical masterpiece that is gym equipment! Those sweat stains on the weight stack have formed a perfect bell curve - the holy grail of statistics nerds everywhere. What we're witnessing is years of collective bro science in action: everyone wants to lift just enough to look impressive but not enough to actually hurt themselves. The middle weights (40-70 lbs) get all the action while those sad 10-pounders and ambitious 115s remain practically untouched. It's basically evolution selecting for mediocrity in gym performance. Darwin would be so proud... of our collective averageness.

Ever notice how mathematicians ruin perfectly good crimes? Here we have a frog attempting a smooth getaway with a stolen purse, only to be absolutely destroyed by a goat with a protractor. That 92° angle isn't just a number—it's a murder weapon. The frog's face in the last panel is every student who thought they were safe from geometry in the real world. Spoiler alert: math finds you in dark alleys too.

Nothing strikes fear into the hearts of students like "This will be on your SAT" followed by a problem where none of the answers are actually correct. The solution to k + 12 = 336 is k = 324, but the closest option is B) 324. Not even the test makers can do basic arithmetic! Future scientists of America, welcome to standardized testing—where even when you know the right answer, you're still somehow wrong. Just like real research funding applications!

Statisticians everywhere are feeling personally attacked right now! The left panel shows a classic example of a terrible linear regression with an R² value of 0.06 (meaning only 6% of the variation is explained by the model). Meanwhile, the right panel reveals that connecting random dots to form "Rexthor, the Dog-Bearer" is somehow more meaningful than forcing that sad excuse for a trendline. This brilliantly skewers how researchers sometimes torture data until it confesses to relationships that aren't really there. When your correlation is this weak, you might as well be playing celestial connect-the-dots and claiming you've discovered a new constellation!

Nothing says "I'm a math genius" like explaining why any number raised to the power of zero equals one! That smug feeling when you've just blown someone's mind with what seems like mathematical sorcery. "But Mom, it's because anything divided by itself equals one, and a^0 is just a^n/a^n!" *chef's kiss* Watching their eyes glaze over as you bask in your intellectual superiority is practically a rite of passage for math nerds everywhere!