My Answers In The Exam: Mathematical Crimes Against Humanity

The equation shows infinity minus infinity equals zero, and the pirate's conflicted response perfectly captures every mathematician's existential crisis. Technically, infinity isn't even a number—it's a concept representing unboundedness. Subtracting one infinity from another is mathematically indeterminate, like dividing by zero or trying to explain to your parents why you spent 8 years getting a PhD to end up with a salary lower than your high school friend who started a dog-walking business. The expression is what we call in technical terms: complete nonsense that would make Georg Cantor roll in his grave.

The eternal physics debate depicted as an IQ bell curve—where both the simpletons and geniuses agree "physics is about equations," while the pseudo-intellectuals in the middle desperately cry "physics is a way of understanding, equations distract from concepts!" Every physics department has these three types: the undergrads who memorize formulas without understanding them, the insufferable grad students who think they're too enlightened for math, and the battle-scarred professors who've come full circle to appreciate that, yes, the universe speaks in equations after all. The horseshoe theory of physics education in action. The real joke? We all end up using calculators anyway.

Homer Simpson perfectly embodies that phase every STEM student goes through after learning just enough to feel intellectually superior to everyone else. Nothing says "I've mastered differential equations" quite like declaring the rest of humanity intellectually inferior while puffing on a cigar! The irony is delicious - the moment you think you've conquered science is precisely when you're at peak ignorance. Real scientists know that the more you learn, the more you realize how little you actually understand. But hey, enjoy that brief moment of delusional grandeur before the next exam humbles you back to reality!

Physics professors really be out here turning complex biological organisms into geometric shapes for the sake of math. Next they'll tell us friction doesn't exist and the cow is a perfect sphere! The infamous "spherical cow in vacuum" has evolved into "cubical cat in cartoon." At least the cat seems happy with its new geometric identity crisis. Who needs nine lives when you can have six identical square faces?

The ultimate calculus bamboozle! Asking for the derivative (d/dx) of someone's credit card number is pure mathematical trickery. Why? Because if you know the derivative, you can just integrate it to get back the original function (with only a harmless constant off). It's like saying "Don't tell me your password, just tell me your password minus 5" — you're still giving away the goods! The dollar signs in the second panel really drive home that this is basically a mathematician's version of a heist. Sneaky differential equations strike again!

Ever notice how mathematical theorems collect names like a snowball rolling downhill? What started as a simple idea clearly morphed into a multi-generational collaborative nightmare! This theorem name is longer than my coffee-fueled all-nighters during grad school! 🤓 Each hyphen represents another brilliant mathematician saying "ACTUALLY, I need to add something here" while their colleagues silently facepalm. By the time you finish reading the theorem name, you've already forgotten what chapter you're on! Mathematicians: the only people who put movie credits IN the title!