Oddly Enough, The Radioactivity Is The Least Of Your Worries

The chemical formula H₂O₄U might look like a cute play on "water for you," but it's actually uranium dioxide peroxide (UO₄·2H₂O) - a uranium compound that would definitely ruin more than just your day! While uranium's radioactivity gets all the scary press, the peroxide part would immediately start oxidizing your tissues upon contact. Your esophagus and stomach lining would essentially begin dissolving before the radiation even had time to say hello to your DNA. Chemistry nerds everywhere are simultaneously cringing and giggling at this "Simply Pure" water dispenser that's basically offering a premium death cocktail. The doctor's "hold up now" response is the perfect scientific understatement of the century.