Now I Just Feel Bad For The Exoplanets

The ultimate cosmic perspective check! Our sun will eventually become a red giant and engulf Earth in about 5 billion years—total astronomical doom—but here's this adorable stick figure just vibing in the sunshine like "whatever, let's enjoy today!" It's the perfect blend of existential dread and wholesome optimism. Why worry about the inevitable heat death of our planet when you can just water your flowers and pet some bugs? Talk about keeping your priorities straight! The universe might be planning our demise, but we've still got billions of years of sunny days to appreciate. Cosmic destruction? Future problem!

Ever notice how conspiracy theorists who claim the moon landing was staged can identify a rocket's components but somehow miss the entire concept of orbital mechanics ? That's like understanding how a car's engine works but insisting roads are a government hoax. The Saturn V wasn't just a fancy tube with fire coming out the bottom—it was precisely engineered to escape Earth's gravitational pull and deliver humans to lunar orbit. But sure, NASA hired Stanley Kubrick and forgot to tell him how rockets actually function.

Poor Jupiter, the ultimate cosmic underachiever! 😩 It's not just that it failed to become a star—it couldn't even make it to "brown dwarf" status (the astronomical equivalent of participation trophy stars). Jupiter needed about 13 times MORE mass to even qualify as a failed star! It's like showing up to the star formation party without enough hydrogen to ignite fusion and then getting stuck in the planetary friend zone for 4.5 billion years. Talk about existential crisis in gas giant form!

Ever wondered what happens during a solar eclipse on a planet with two moons? The result is this smug Pepe face giving you that "I know something you don't" look. Astronomically speaking, this would create some wild celestial geometry problems! Instead of our simple Earth-Moon-Sun alignment, you'd have a cosmic three-body problem with extra shadowy goodness. Exoplanetary astronomers would need a whole new set of calculations just to predict when both moons photobomb the sun simultaneously. That's some next-level cosmic trolling right there.

The beautiful irony of conspiracy logic! First they claim the moon landing was staged, then they hit you with "you believe in the moon?" It's like arguing with someone who keeps moving the goalposts to another dimension entirely. I've spent 40 years teaching astronomy, and nothing prepared me for people who think NASA is simultaneously incompetent enough to fake a landing AND powerful enough to maintain a planetary hologram. Next they'll tell you gravity is just a feeling you get when the government turns down the simulation settings.

Nothing triggers academic rage quite like mistaken identity! Physicists spend years mastering quantum mechanics and relativistic field theory only to be confused with people who prescribe antibiotics. Meanwhile, astronomers who map distant galaxies and study black holes get lumped in with people who think Jupiter's position affects your love life. The scientific equivalent of calling a chef a "food heater" or a pilot an "airplane driver." Next time you meet a physicist, call them a physician and watch as they transform into this angry bird faster than a particle accelerator!