The Academic Food Chain

The classic "I'm an engineer" flex falls spectacularly flat when challenged! Our confident "engenieer" (spelling error included free of charge) gets called out to name 10 formulas and can only muster Newton's Second Law (F = ma). The crushing realization that knowing one formula doesn't make you Nikola Tesla is peak engineering student energy. Even funnier is her admission "that's on me, I set the bar too low" - because honestly, expecting an engineer to remember more than F=ma after finals week is apparently unreasonable.

Chemistry exams and their oddly specific temperature conditions are the ultimate recipe for disaster! The meme perfectly captures that moment when your gas law calculations would be straightforward at standard temperature (25°C or 298K), but nooo—the professor had to make it 26.85°C just to watch you suffer through conversion hell. It's like baking a cake where changing the temperature by 1.85 degrees somehow transforms your chocolate masterpiece into a quantum physics problem. Standard conditions? Never heard of her. The ideal gas law becomes the "ideal way to lose points on your exam" law.

From drawing cows to just writing "A" - that's 5,000 years of efficiency gains in written language. Ancient Egyptians would spend all day sketching a bull's head while modern Latin users just scribble a triangle and call it a day. Classic example of how humans evolve toward maximum laziness. The letter "A" actually evolved from an Egyptian hieroglyph representing an ox head - turn it upside down and you can still see the horns. Linguists call this the principle of least effort, but I call it "why draw the whole cow when sticks do trick?"

George Dantzig: *shows up late to class* "Hmm, these problems on the board must be homework." *casually copies them down* *later solves what turned out to be two UNSOLVABLE statistics problems* The entire mathematics community: *surprised Pikachu face* Talk about a mathematical mic drop! This legend accidentally revolutionized statistics because he didn't know the problems were impossible. Sometimes ignorance truly is mathematical bliss! Next time your professor says "this can't be solved," just channel your inner Dantzig and say "challenge accepted!"

Finally, engineering software that accurately models real-world systems. The "Email Echo Chamber" block with its "reply to all" function is particularly efficient at amplifying noise while producing zero useful output. And that "Paperwork Generator" paired with the "Endless Loop"? Pure computational elegance for simulating why your project is six months behind schedule. The "Time Sink" block is suspiciously accurate—I've been running that one locally for years without even installing the software.

This flowchart is what happens when career counselors have a mental breakdown. Engineering? Only if you're "good with things." Chemistry? Congratulations on your future as a "fussy pedant." And let's not forget Computer Science, perfect for those who prefer "slow, indirect evil" over the more efficient varieties. The beautiful part is how it nails the existential crisis of every STEM student. "Why do you want to major in a STEM field?" Options include "curiosity" (adorable), "to save the planet" (delusional), or my personal favorite, the dawning realization that STEM was supposed to involve actual plants for Biology majors. After 30 years of teaching, I can confirm this is approximately 87% accurate. The missing 13% is the path where you choose your major based on which department has the least uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.