Latexheimer: The Academic Split Personality

Using MATLAB for basic arithmetic is like bringing a nuclear submarine to a bathtub race. The excessive computational power makes even the simplest task feel like you're performing digital acrobatics. Graduate students worldwide know that feeling of writing 47 lines of code just to calculate what Excel could do with a single cell formula. But hey, at least your advisor will be impressed by all those semicolons.

Oh boy, the eternal battle between actual science and its evil twin! 🧪 On the left: the scientific method in all its glory—asking questions, testing ideas, and (gasp!) being willing to admit when you're wrong. It's like dating—sometimes you get rejected, but you learn and move on! On the right: scientism's "method"—starting with your conclusion, cherry-picking evidence, and declaring anyone who disagrees a "science denier." It's basically like deciding what restaurant you want, then making up a 5-star Yelp review before you've even eaten there. The irony of ending with "I ❤️ science" while completely butchering scientific principles is just *chef's kiss*. Remember kids, real science embraces being wrong—it's the only way to eventually be right!

Remember when "×" was your trusty companion for multiplication? Then high school algebra hits and suddenly your old friend gets replaced by a dot or just vanishes entirely into implied multiplication. Poor "×" goes from hero to zero faster than a polynomial factorization. By calculus, you're writing "2x" instead of "2×x" because apparently symbols need to practice social distancing too. The mathematical equivalent of being ghosted by someone you thought would be in your life forever.

Chemistry professors pouring gasoline on the already raging fire of student confusion with their mathematical derivations. Nothing says "clear understanding" like explaining acid-base equilibrium with triple integrals. The professor thinks they're illuminating concepts, but the students are just watching their GPA burn to ash.

That moment when you correctly explain gravity in a Reddit comment and suddenly you're floating above Newton and Galileo with cosmic wings. Sure, I read half a physics textbook once and watched a YouTube video about quantum mechanics. Basically the same as revolutionizing our understanding of the universe. The undergraduate physics major's final form isn't even their final form.

The greatest mathematical dad joke in history! Newton and Leibniz both claimed to invent calculus in the 17th century, sparking one of science's most famous priority disputes. The punchline? It was a bit derivative ! 🤓 Get it? Because derivatives are a fundamental concept in calculus AND because Leibniz's work could be seen as derived from Newton's (or vice versa, depending who you ask). The math history burn that took 350 years to land!