You Matter, Until You Energy

Behold the eternal academic food chain! The top panel shows sciences arranged by "purity" with physicists smugly declaring dominance while mathematicians exist in their own dimension entirely. Meanwhile, the bottom panel reveals the dirty secret - as complexity increases, everyone's just desperately simplifying reality to make their equations work! This is basically every interdepartmental faculty meeting distilled into its purest form. Physicists think they're the apex predators of science until they need to calculate something with actual real-world messiness. Then suddenly it's "assume a spherical cow" time! And poor mathematicians, off in their abstract universe where numbers don't even need units. They're playing 5D chess while everyone else is arguing about whose science has more prestige. Truly the introverts of the academic world!

Scientists: "We're pretty sure 85% of the universe is dark matter." Everyone else: "Cool, show me." Scientists: *gestures vaguely at everything with Tom-from-Tom-and-Jerry energy* That awkward moment when astronomers claim most of the universe is made of something we can't see, detect, or interact with in any meaningful way. Dark matter is basically the cosmic equivalent of telling someone "I totally have a girlfriend, she just goes to another school... in Canada... you wouldn't know her." Yet somehow it's holding entire galaxies together! The ultimate invisible friend that's actually scientifically plausible.

The eternal academic suffering hierarchy! Biology students whine about physics, while biochemistry students silently endure the double whammy of physics AND chemistry. It's like watching someone complain about a paper cut while you're secretly bleeding out from multiple stab wounds. The scientific suffering Olympics has clear winners, and they're quietly calculating molarity while balancing force equations. 🧪⚛️

Physics has finally been exposed for what it truly is—a conspiracy of overcomplicated nonsense! This brilliant parody takes aim at how quantum mechanics and modern physics sound to the average person. Superposition? Wave-particle duality? Schrödinger's cat? Please. Next they'll tell us gravity is just "spacetime curvature" when we all know things fall because... they're heavy. Revolutionary stuff! The Einstein tongue photo is the cherry on top. Sure, trust the guy who couldn't comb his hair with explaining how the universe works. And don't get me started on those Higgs bosons making your dumbbells heavy—clearly a scam to avoid the gym. Honestly, this is what happens when we let physicists run wild with grant money instead of solving practical problems like "why does toast always land butter-side down?" Now THAT'S the real mystery of the universe.

Physics textbooks exist in a parallel universe where children joyride wooden carts over cliffs while dangling classmates over shark-infested pools. And somehow you're supposed to calculate the mass of wheels using only a protractor and the crushing weight of academic despair. The best part? It's worth a measly 2 marks—as if determining the aerodynamic properties of this death trap is just a warm-up exercise before the real problems begin. No wonder physicists develop that thousand-yard stare by sophomore year.

The ultimate quantum paradox funeral! Schrödinger's cat is simultaneously dead in the grave AND alive as a cutout face. This brilliant twist on the famous thought experiment shows the cat existing in two states at once - exactly what Schrödinger was trying to illustrate with his quantum mechanics paradox. The cat is both deceased and meowing happily until someone observes it, collapsing its quantum wavefunction. No wonder everyone's dressed in black - they're mourning a cat that might not even be dead! The tombstone should really say "Here lies a cat... or does it?"