The Millennial Standard Model Of Physics

The Standard Model of physics gets a much-needed millennial update! Instead of boring quarks and leptons, we now have particles named after generational stereotypes. Boomers cost $1B while Gen Z particles are valued at $800M (typical market inflation). The force carriers? Just straight-up mental illnesses! Gluons are now bottles of glue, photons became actual cameras, and gravity is represented by the letter "G" with question marks because nobody understands it anyway. My favorite part? The "Hugs" boson carrying the fundamental force of emotional validation. Physics departments worldwide are frantically updating their textbooks while grad students wonder if their crippling student debt was worth studying particles that are literally labeled "bottom" and "strange."