Even Particle Accelerators Celebrate Christmas

Desperate times call for desperate measures! This student has created a full-blown shrine to Sir Isaac Newton before their physics exam. The candle, the flowers, the portrait—they're not just studying Newton's laws, they're praying to them. Because sometimes calculating terminal velocity just isn't enough—you need divine intervention from the man who invented calculus while in quarantine. Pro tip: the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, but your grade might if you spend more time on shrine-building than problem-solving!

Behold the absurdity of imperial units! The English system uses "slug" as a unit of mass while the SI system sensibly uses kilograms. The joke is brilliantly illustrated with an actual slug (the gastropod) circled in red—because apparently measuring mass with garden creatures makes PERFECT scientific sense! 🤪 For the uninitiated lab rats among us: a slug is actually 32.2 pounds-mass or about 14.6 kg. It's the amount of mass that accelerates at 1 ft/s² when a force of 1 pound is applied. Why use something logical when you can measure with mollusks instead? *maniacal scientist laughter*

Breaking news: Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle has been officially defeated by alien technology! According to this quantum physicist who's clearly having a psychic breakdown, you can know both the position AND momentum of a particle—but only if you've been to Area 51. Werner Heisenberg is rolling in his grave while simultaneously not rolling in his grave until observed. The government doesn't want you to know that quantum mechanics works differently once you've seen the inside of a UFO. Next week: how to violate the laws of thermodynamics using nothing but a paperclip and alien telepathy!

The eternal physics student struggle captured perfectly! On the left, we have the exam expectations—a terrifying buffet of thermodynamics equations, Schrödinger's equation, and van der Waals equation—all guarded by a muscular, intimidating Doge. Meanwhile, on the right is the sad reality: all that survived the pre-exam cramming session is the ideal gas law (PV = nRT) repeated over and over. That's it. That's the entire knowledge base, accompanied by a derpy lab Doge who's clearly as lost as your understanding of quantum mechanics. The ideal gas law is the physics equivalent of knowing only "E=mc²" and hoping it somehow applies to every question. Spoiler alert: it doesn't. Your professor spent months teaching complex thermodynamic principles, and your brain decided "nah, just remember the gas thingy."

The dirty little secret of science that nobody talks about at parties! Physicists love to mock engineers for using π = 3 or π² = 10, but then turn around and say "let's assume this sphere is perfectly uniform" or "friction is negligible." The truth hurts because deep down, we're all just trying to make the math work out before the grant money runs out. Next they'll be telling us that experimental error bars are just fancy ways of saying "close enough." The real difference? Engineers build bridges that don't collapse despite the approximations, while physicists get Nobel Prizes for being precisely wrong.

Factory security guard discovers he exists in a quantum superposition. Top panel: guard walks through slits like a classical particle. Bottom panel: guard is absent but creates an interference pattern like a wave. Turns out being both a particle and a wave makes shift scheduling a nightmare. HR still expects you to be in two places at once though.