Bro Skipped Physics Class

This sacred document exposes the dark arts physicists have been hiding for centuries! The right to "squint" at complex problems? That's just code for "I have no idea what I'm doing but will pretend otherwise." My personal favorite is the divine right to call anything we don't understand "unphysical" — basically the academic equivalent of taking your ball and going home when you're losing. And let's appreciate the beautiful hierarchy where physicists get to look down on "lower scientists" while mumbling gibberish when cornered. We're not making things up — we're "inventing fictitious forces" and "choosing convenient initial conditions." It's not laziness, it's the "principle of general triviality!" Next time your calculations don't add up, just declare dimensional inconsistency irrelevant because you're only interested in "order of magnitude." Physics: where being approximately wrong is exactly right!

The engineering approximation strikes again! While mathematicians are having panic attacks over π ≈ 3.14159... and physicists know E = mc², engineers just shrug and say "close enough." That interrogation room perfectly captures the moment when an engineer tries to explain why they rounded everything to the nearest whole number. "Is this 'air resistance' in the room with us right now?" Yeah, right next to the "negligible friction" and "ideal conditions" that engineers conveniently ignore when deadlines are looming. The bridge might wobble a bit, but hey—it's still standing!

Even rocket scientists forget basic geometry! The delicious irony of someone with a PhD in Physics working at NASA—literally calculating orbital trajectories and spacecraft reentry angles—needing to Google "V = (4/3)πr³." It's like a brain surgeon forgetting how to use a band-aid. The cognitive dissonance between designing interplanetary missions and blanking on middle school math proves that our brains are selective storage devices. Memory neurons clearly prioritize "how to land on Mars" over "how to find the volume of a gumball."

Physics YouTubers are the new rockstars for nerds who'd rather calculate the trajectory of groupies than actually talk to them. This grad student is out here solving nuclear physics while the rest of us can't even solve our relationship problems. Notice how his videos include "Finally Writing The Paper" and "I've Been Stuck On This Problem For..." – the universal academic cry for help disguised as content. Theoretical physics: where you spend years deriving equations just to get 25K views and your mom asking when you'll get a real job.

Economists already treat humans like perfectly rational, frictionless spheres in a vacuum! The Alice in Wonderland confusion here is perfect—economists build elaborate mathematical models where people behave with perfect logic and complete information, while real humans are over here panic-buying toilet paper and spending their rent money on NFTs of digital monkeys. Imagine the economic equivalent of Schrödinger's cat: a consumer simultaneously rational and irrational until observed by the Federal Reserve. Or perhaps we need Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle of Economics—the more precisely you measure someone's spending habits, the less you understand why they bought that ridiculous hat.

Astrophysics has never been so deliciously relatable! The sandwich press represents the immense gravitational forces that compress matter, while the sandwich is the unfortunate star that's about to get squished into oblivion. Just like your lunch gets flattened into a dense, compact form, massive stars collapse under their own gravity until they're compressed beyond the point of no return. The difference? Your sandwich becomes a tasty meal, while the star becomes a cosmic object so dense that not even light can escape. Next time you make a grilled sandwich, just remember you're basically simulating one of the universe's most extreme phenomena... minus the spaghettification.