When COVID hit, physicists were like "hold my beer" while other scientists ran for cover. Classic Patrick Star energy—marching up to the pandemic fortress shouting mathematical incantations like "First-order Taylor expansion" as if differential equations could scare away a virus. The sheer audacity of physicists thinking they can model a biological catastrophe with the same tools they use for falling apples and spinning tops. Meanwhile, biologists and epidemiologists are in the corner whispering "that's not how this works... that's not how any of this works." But hey, when your only tool is a Hamiltonian, everything looks like a quantum problem—even a pandemic. Truly the academic equivalent of trying to open a biological door with a physics key!