Diagonal Memes

The great sandwich geometry debate that's keeping mathematicians up at night! Someone actually took the time to calculate whether diagonal sandwich cuts create more sandwich through some sort of bread-based dimensional wizardry. It's the mathematical equivalent of trying to prove Santa exists by measuring chimney circumference. The precision! The decimal points! The complete disregard for the fact that the real increase is just the psychological satisfaction of those perfect triangles! Next up in my lab: proving that folding pizza doubles its flavor quotient and calculating the exact moment when cereal becomes soup. SCIENCE!

Behold, the Pythagorean sandwich theorem. Scientists have been suspiciously quiet about this groundbreaking discovery that diagonal cuts increase sandwich volume without adding ingredients. The perimeter length of a diagonal cut (√2 × side length) is indeed greater than a straight cut (1 × side length), creating the illusion of "more sandwich." Of course, conservation of mass still applies—you're just redistributing the same amount of bread and fillings into triangles instead of rectangles. But try telling that to your brain when you're hungry at 3 AM in the lab.

Behold the sandwich paradox that haunts mathematicians during lunch breaks! The diagonal cut creates a longer perimeter while maintaining the same area—it's topology in the wild! Your brain isn't playing tricks; the hypotenuse of a square is indeed longer than its sides (thank you, Pythagoras!). So technically, you're getting more sandwich-to-mouth interface without adding a single extra calorie. This is why I always carry a protractor to Subway. For science!