Causation Memes

Statistics: the dark art of finding the silver lining in a mushroom cloud! ☢️ The meme brilliantly captures how statistical facts can lead to hilariously twisted conclusions. Sure, smoking might knock 20 years off your life, but hey—at least you won't remember forgetting where you put your keys! It's the perfect example of correlation being weaponized for justification. Next up in my lab: proving that eating ice cream prevents shark attacks because nobody gets bitten while holding a cone! *maniacal scientist laughter*

The classic "if p, then q" logical implication strikes again. The professor asks if two people sitting together implies they're in love—a classic correlation vs. causation fallacy. The student's "I don't know" response is brilliantly illustrated by showing both possibilities: people sitting together who might be in love, and people sitting together who definitely aren't. Without establishing the truth value of the premise, the conclusion remains undetermined. This is precisely why logicians make terrible matchmakers but excellent party guests—they'll never jump to conclusions about who's dating whom.

Behold! The classic case of "correlation does not imply causation" gone horribly, hilariously wrong! This statistical face-plant ignores the crucial fact that sober drivers outnumber drunk ones by... oh I don't know... A GAZILLION TO ONE?! It's like saying "100% of shark attacks happen in water, so clearly staying on land is dangerous!" My lab assistant tried this logic to justify coming to work tipsy. I fired him. Then rehired him because I needed someone to laugh at my jokes. Science demands both sobriety AND proper statistical analysis, you magnificent numbskulls!

A perfect example of the correlation-causation fallacy that haunts statistics departments everywhere! The meme brilliantly skewers how meaningless correlations get weaponized as scary "facts." Sure, 99% of criminals have eaten bread, but so has 99% of literally everyone else on the planet with access to wheat. Next they'll tell us that 100% of serial killers have consumed dihydrogen monoxide (that's water for you non-chemistry nerds). This is exactly why my statistics professor would scream "CORRELATION DOES NOT IMPLY CAUSATION" while throwing chalk at sleeping students.