Ionic Bonding Intensifies

Oganesson is the ultimate electron hoarder of the periodic table! As element 118, this super-heavy atom is basically the mob boss of chemistry, demanding all your electrons with that menacing "hand them over" energy. 🔫 What makes this hilarious is that Oganesson is so rare and unstable (it exists for milliseconds before decaying) that it's literally the neediest element ever created. With 118 protons, this greedy element needs a whopping 118 electrons to be neutral! It's like that friend who keeps "borrowing" your stuff but disintegrates before you can ask for it back. Chemistry's ultimate highway robber!

Poor Fluorine! Forever one electron short of that sweet, sweet noble gas configuration! With only 9 electrons, it's just dying to snatch a 10th and complete its outer shell. It's basically the elemental equivalent of someone staring longingly at the last cookie in the jar that they can't have. Fluorine is so electron-hungry it's practically the vampire of the periodic table - the most electronegative element, ready to sink its teeth into any electron-rich victim that passes by. No wonder it's so reactive it can burn through glass and make water burst into flames! Next time you brush your teeth, remember your toothpaste contains a compound with this desperate little element that would literally explode with joy if it could just get that 10th electron!

That moment when your career in nuclear physics ends with a bang! 💥 Plutonium-239 is super fissile (meaning it splits apart easily), and if you drop enough of it together... well, you've just created a critical mass and triggered a nuclear chain reaction! That blue flash is the Cherenkov radiation - basically the nuclear equivalent of a "you're fired" notice, except you won't be around to receive it. The penguin's wide-eyed expression is the perfect "last thought" before becoming atomic dust. Talk about going out with a flash rather than a whimper!

Breaking the laws of chemistry is just another Tuesday for the superior lab group! 180% yield? Pfft, that's not an error—that's innovation ! Either you've discovered a magical reaction that creates matter from nothing, or someone's been a bit too generous with their weighing scale. Nothing says "I'm a chemistry wizard" quite like yields that defy the conservation of mass! Next week's goal: 250% yield and a Nobel Prize for bending reality!

This flowchart is what happens when career counselors have a mental breakdown. Engineering? Only if you're "good with things." Chemistry? Congratulations on your future as a "fussy pedant." And let's not forget Computer Science, perfect for those who prefer "slow, indirect evil" over the more efficient varieties. The beautiful part is how it nails the existential crisis of every STEM student. "Why do you want to major in a STEM field?" Options include "curiosity" (adorable), "to save the planet" (delusional), or my personal favorite, the dawning realization that STEM was supposed to involve actual plants for Biology majors. After 30 years of teaching, I can confirm this is approximately 87% accurate. The missing 13% is the path where you choose your major based on which department has the least uncomfortable chairs in the lecture hall.

Marketing: "Try our new chemical-free product!" Chemist: *imagines world without molecules* Physicist: *imagines world without fundamental particles* Listen, everything is chemicals. Your water? Chemicals. Your organic kale? Chemicals. Your "all-natural" deodorant? You guessed it—chemicals. The universe is literally made of them. Next time someone brags about their "chemical-free" lifestyle, just smile and think about how they're basically claiming to be an ethereal being composed of pure nothingness.