I Am A Superior Being

Scientific gatekeeping strikes again! First they came for Pluto, now they're coming for hydrogen? The image shows what appears to be an atom or atomic structure visualization, while the fake news headline claims hydrogen is getting kicked off the periodic table for being "too small" — just like Pluto got demoted from planet status. The cherry on top is that additional "breakthrough" about "Sus Scrofa" test flights (that's just the scientific name for domestic pigs). Looks like someone's trying to make chemistry as controversial as astronomy! Next week's headline: "Electrons deemed too negative, replaced with more upbeat particles."

The chemistry hierarchy laid bare! General Chemistry students are stuck measuring water and memorizing unit conversions while Organic Chemistry chads are out there casually synthesizing explosives and drawing benzene rings with the confidence of Picasso. The real divide isn't just academic—it's existential. Gen Chem is where they teach you rules; OChem is where you learn which ones are worth breaking. Nothing says "I've evolved beyond equations" like never balancing one again while still creating compounds that could either cure cancer or level a small building. The chemistry department's unspoken truth: you haven't really lived until you've made freshmen question their life choices just by walking into the lab wearing your battle-scarred coat.

The perfect chemical romance! Two hydrogen atoms (represented by the people) desperately reaching for that one oxygen atom (the screaming cat) to form water. That cat's dramatic reaction perfectly captures the high electronegativity of oxygen, practically yanking those hydrogen electrons away to form polar covalent bonds. Chemistry teachers everywhere are nodding in approval while their students finally understand why H₂O is bent-shaped. The drama! The attraction! The inevitability of molecular formation!

Chemistry lab veterans know the terror of magnesium heptoxide (Mg₂O₇) all too well. This highly unstable compound is basically the drama queen of the periodic table—it decomposes explosively at the slightest provocation. Drop a beaker? Boom. Sneeze? Boom. Think about your grant rejection? Boom. The compound doesn't even need a reason; it just wakes up and chooses violence. Working with it is like having a lab partner who's perpetually on their fifth espresso and third existential crisis.

The moment you see these mirror-image molecules, you just know you're in for weeks of stereochemistry hell. Left molecule, right molecule, same formula, different spatial arrangement—congratulations, you've encountered enantiomers. These chemical twins are identical in every way except they're mirror images of each other, like your left and right hands. Or like that one lab partner who copies your work but somehow gets a better grade. The dashed line might as well be labeled "boundary of suffering." Just wait until your professor asks you to distinguish R and S configurations on the exam while you're running on 3 hours of sleep and pure caffeine.

The eternal chemistry dilemma! Our guy is torn between cyclohexane (the chunky circle-in-hexagon on the left) and benzene (the sleek hexagon with alternating double bonds on the right). Cyclohexane is the stable, saturated "nice girl" of organic chemistry, while benzene is the aromatic bad girl with those delocalized electrons that make chemists swoon! 💯 Every organic chemist has faced this choice - go with the predictable, stable compound or get mesmerized by those resonance structures? The heart wants what the heart wants... even if it's potentially carcinogenic! Chemistry dating is HARD.