Elemental Dildo Suitability Chart

Someone took the sacred periodic table and transformed it into a hilariously inappropriate guide to... alternative element uses! The color-coding system ranges from "Probably Fine" (green) to "Owe, My Ass" (red) with special categories like "Nobel Prize in Science" and the ominous yellow "Congratulations, you own either the Entire Human Race or a Medium-sized Country." Chemistry professors everywhere are simultaneously horrified and impressed by the scientific accuracy! Whoever created this clearly understands both molecular properties AND human anatomy with terrifying precision. The noble gases aren't looking so noble anymore!