The Butt Of All Cosmic Jokes

Google's search results claim Alpha Centauri is the nearest star to Earth, completely forgetting about our very own Sun! *adjusts lab goggles frantically* The cosmic elephant in the room! Even the most sophisticated search algorithms can't remember that giant nuclear fusion reactor that gives us life, light, and painful sunburns. It's like forgetting your own head is attached to your body! Next they'll tell us water isn't wet and gravity is just a suggestion. *scribbles equations on whiteboard manically* TECHNICALLY, the Sun is approximately 150 million kilometers closer than Alpha Centauri's 4.37 light-years. Just a small rounding error of...let me calculate...93 MILLION MILES!

Welcome to the wild world of clickbait science journalism! These headlines are the equivalent of putting Einstein in a blender with alien conspiracy theories and quantum woo-woo! The top headline claims scientists proved Einstein wrong (spoiler: they didn't). The bottom ones suggest alien tech lurks in our oceans, human eyeballs can somehow "destroy" quantum mechanics, and someone's making "something from nothing" (conservation of energy has left the chat). This is what happens when you let headline writers who failed high school physics explain complex scientific concepts. Next week: "Scientists discover black holes are actually cosmic donuts" and "Gravity might be caused by tiny invisible gnomes pulling things downward!"

The eternal punchline of astrophysics strikes again! Every black hole documentary inevitably drops the "not even light can escape" line like it's the most mind-blowing revelation since sliced bread. It's the cosmic equivalent of that friend who keeps telling the same joke at every party, completely oblivious that we've all heard it 50 times already. Physicists worldwide are collectively rolling their eyes while documentary producers high-five each other for "educating the masses" with this groundbreaking information for the 10,000th time.

Want to see a star explode? Just ask an astronomer about their horoscope! 🌠💥 These cosmic detectives spend their careers mapping the universe with precision instruments and mathematical models, only to have someone confuse their rigorous science with "Mercury is in retrograde so I'm having a bad hair day." It's like asking a meteorologist if clouds are sad when it rains! Astronomers study ACTUAL celestial bodies—not your celestial "body type" based on birth month. They can tell you the chemical composition of a star 100 light-years away but will absolutely lose their minds if you wonder whether being a Gemini affects your love life. Consider yourself warned: mixing up astronomy (science of celestial objects) with astrology (pseudoscience of star signs) is the fastest way to get ejected from an observatory faster than a supernova expels matter!

Content Both shapes have the same number of holes. Try it yourself. Start with a cube of playdo. Take a chopstick and push it through until it pokes out. Expand each hole. Repeat until each face has a hole. You only need to poke 5 holes in the cube to create the final shape. The first poke creates an opening in the top and bottom. Each following poke adds a hole to one of the 4 side faces.

The cosmic revenge saga we never knew we needed! Proclaiming Pluto as your favorite planet to an astrophysicist is like telling a chef you prefer microwave dinners. Poor Pluto got demoted from planet status in 2006, and some scientists are still fighting that celestial injustice. The bottom panel shows the inevitable scientific smackdown - Naruto-style - that follows such blasphemy. The scientific community might use peer-reviewed papers as weapons, but in this alternate universe, they apparently prefer glowing chakra attacks. Remember kids, planetary classification is serious business... and apparently worth throwing hands over!