Expanding Neptune

Look at those real sciences pushing astrology off the truck of knowledge! Physics and astrophysics are literally shoving it away while astronomy watches from a safe distance. The scientific community has been trying to yeet astrology out of the conversation for centuries! The difference? Astronomy actually studies celestial objects with telescopes and math, while astrology thinks Jupiter being in retrograde is why you spilled coffee on your shirt this morning. One predicts supernovas, the other predicts your love life based on birth charts. NEWSFLASH: The stars don't care about your dating problems!

The ultimate cosmic coincidence! On the left, we've got mercury the element (Hg, atomic number 80) - the only metal that's liquid at room temperature and looks like a puddle plotting world domination. On the right, Mercury the planet - the speedy little hot mess closest to the sun that probably wishes it could flow away from all that heat. Both named after the Roman messenger god who was apparently really into identity confusion. Scientists in the ancient world must have been like "this shiny stuff moves fast, that planet moves fast... eh, same thing!" Classic scientific naming convention: when in doubt, just reuse labels and confuse future generations!

Just imagine—a parallel universe where we named time units after angles instead of arbitrary divisions. That futuristic utopia exists because someone realized that the Earth rotates precisely 1/86400th of a full circle (15 arcseconds) each second. Instead of suffering through daylight savings twice a year, we'd be living in gleaming cities with flying cars and solving cold fusion on napkins during lunch breaks. But no, we had to stick with "seconds" like primitive animals. The 1,296,000,000 arcseconds (15 days) I've spent contemplating this missed opportunity are scientifically proven to have accelerated my hair loss.

The ultimate astronomical power move. Webb's sunshield isn't just blocking infrared radiation—it's blocking entire celestial bodies on Twitter. This is what happens when your $10 billion telescope needs to operate at -233°C and can't have the Sun, Moon, or Earth photobombing its deep space observations. Imagine being so sensitive to heat that you have to block the cosmic equivalent of your coworkers on social media. "Sorry, nothing personal, you're just literally too hot for me to function."

Finally, irrefutable evidence that would make Galileo roll in his grave. A spirit level on dirt somehow trumps 2000+ years of astronomy, satellite imagery, and physics. Next up: disproving gravity by jumping and not immediately returning to Earth for a whole second. The perfect scientific methodology—if your sample size is one square foot of ground and you've never heard of "local topography."

The duality of physicists! Dismisses astrology as "made up nonsense" but gets absolutely giddy about theoretical spacetime tunnels that might not even exist. Sure, wormholes are mathematically consistent with general relativity, but so is my theory that grading papers causes temporal distortion. The irony of rejecting star signs while worshipping equations that describe cosmic shortcuts nobody's ever seen is just *chef's kiss*. Next time someone scoffs at your horoscope, ask them about their feelings on string theory.