The MATLAB Subscription Crisis

The eternal academic rivalry laid bare! While the physicist dwells in theoretical purgatory contemplating the heat death of the universe (which won't happen for trillions of years, so super practical), our chad engineer is out there approximating solutions and actually building stuff that works. Let's be honest - nobody cares about your elegant solution to the n-body problem when the bridge needs to not collapse. The Newton-Raphson method might not be sexy, but it pays for the yacht. Meanwhile, those quarks aren't going to pay off that crushing student debt. As a professor who's watched this drama play out for decades, I can confirm: you can either publish papers nobody reads or drive a Tesla. Choose wisely, undergrads.

The face you make when someone starts treating science as "what exists" rather than "how we know what exists." Nothing triggers a philosophy of science researcher quite like watching someone confuse ontology (the study of what exists) with epistemology (how we gain knowledge). That cat's existential crisis is exactly how I look during interdepartmental meetings when someone says "science proves reality."

The unholy trinity of organic chemistry exam nightmares. Just like those three students who always get blamed for trouble, hydrogen bonds, boiling points, and resonance are the usual suspects in every reasoning question. Professors have this uncanny ability to make these concepts appear in every single exam, as if they're getting kickbacks from the anxiety industry. You've memorized 50 reaction mechanisms, but somehow you're still drawing electron arrows at 2 AM, wondering why you didn't just major in interpretive dance.

Someone's ranking mathematical symbols like they're Pokémon cards, and I'm absolutely here for this chaos. The differential operator in "Legendary" tier while partial derivatives are banished to "Out of my expertise"? Pure mathematical violence! 😂 Infinity is somehow a "C" tier symbol while factorial made it to "Pretty cool"? This tierlist is more arbitrary than the naming conventions in quantum mechanics! The creator clearly has a vendetta against Greek letters - poor ξ (xi) got thrown in the trash while its cousin π (pi) lives in mathematical royalty. This is like watching someone rank elements on the periodic table based on how fun they are to pronounce. The mathematical community will never recover from this betrayal. Whoever made this probably thinks the Riemann Hypothesis is just a fancy way to guess lottery numbers.

Chemistry and Physics are having their typical turf war about which discipline forms the foundation of science, each claiming superiority. Meanwhile, Mathematics sits in the corner, sipping tea and casually dismissing them both with "Amateurs." The hierarchy joke perfectly captures the interdisciplinary rivalry in STEM fields. While chemistry studies matter and its interactions, and physics examines fundamental forces, mathematics provides the language and tools that both rely on. Without equations and proofs, the others would just be collecting observations with no way to model them! Next time you see someone flexing their science credentials, remember there's always a mathematician ready to remind them who really runs the show.

The classic physics exam trap in its natural habitat! The problem mentions a charged object in a constant electric potential field, and then asks about the work done when its speed changes. Here's where students panic and split into three camps on the bell curve: The clueless ones (left side): "Work equals change in kinetic energy, duh!" The overthinking geniuses (middle): *sweating profusely* "Wait, there's a charge in an electric field... must calculate electric potential energy... what's the field strength? Is this a trick?!" The enlightened few (right side): "Total work is just ΔKE because constant potential means zero electric field, so no electric work." The beauty is that the simplest answer (ΔKE) is correct, but physics students are conditioned to suspect traps everywhere. This is why physicists make terrible dinner guests - we overthink even passing the salt.