It's Broken Because I Know It's Broken

When you realize SQUID isn't just calamari on a fancy menu but actually stands for Superconducting QUantum Interference Device. The transformation from confused bear to sophisticated physicist happens instantly upon discovering this Nobel-worthy acronym. Nothing says "I'm intellectually superior at parties" quite like dropping "Oh, I work with SQUIDs" and watching people back away slowly.

The idealism-to-reality pipeline of engineering careers is brutally accurate here! First-year students enter with dreams of changing the world, designing renewable energy or life-saving medical devices. Fast forward four years and suddenly they're designing targeting systems for defense contractors because that's where the fat paychecks live. The transformation from bright-eyed Spider-Man to brooding dark Spider-Man perfectly captures that moment when you realize your engineering degree is most valuable to companies that go boom. Lockheed Martin's recruitment team is definitely taking notes right now.

The "we only use 10% of our brain" myth gets brilliantly demolished here. Instead of waiting for help that might never come, this programmer exploits humanity's most reliable cognitive feature: the irresistible urge to correct someone who's wrong on the internet. It's psychological judo - using people's superiority complex against them. The beautiful irony is that while claiming to use "100% of the brain," they're actually demonstrating exactly how our brains are wired - not for altruism, but for proving others wrong. Darwin would be proud - evolution clearly optimized us for pedantry rather than kindness.

GASP! Someone doing physics WITHOUT digital crutches?! The HORROR! 😱 In a world where we've outsourced our brains to silicon, this brave soul is calculating trajectories with *checks notes* actual neural connections! Classical mechanics with just pencil and paper is like churning butter by hand or sending smoke signals instead of texts. Next thing you know, they'll be deriving the Schrödinger equation on a napkin while making direct eye contact. Absolute madlad behavior! The ancient physicists are nodding in approval from the great laboratory in the sky.

That moment when your SolidWorks model looks like a majestic dragon in your head but renders as a deformed potato in reality. Universities praise your "innovative approach" while senior engineers just stare with that dead-inside expression that says "I've seen this disaster before." The CAD skills gap between education and industry is basically the engineering equivalent of expecting to fly and barely managing to crawl.

Behold! The next evolution in Apple's "planned obsolescence" strategy - a screw that requires you to buy a $299 "Apple Certified Screwdriver Pro" with a proprietary head shape. Because regular screws are just too mainstream for the company that made you throw away all your headphones. Next up: Apple will patent the circle and charge licensing fees for wheels.