They'll Use Anything But The Metric System

Scientists: "Let's name this cosmic collision of two massive galaxies something that reflects the profound nature of celestial mechanics!" Reddit: "ANDY WINS BY A LANDSLIDE! 🤣" This is peak internet democracy at work! In 6 billion years, our descendants (if they haven't been vaporized in the galactic merger) will look up at the night sky and see... Andy. Not Milkdromeda. Not some fancy scientific name. Just... Andy. The cosmic equivalent of naming your pet dinosaur "Steve." Honestly, this is why we can't have nice things in the universe!

Einstein's Equivalence Principle strikes again! Poor Andy just got schooled on one of physics' most devious tricks - you literally cannot tell the difference between gravity and acceleration. That feeling of heaviness in an accelerating elevator is physically identical to being on a planet with stronger gravity. It's the cosmic prank that launched General Relativity and continues making physics students question their sanity during finals week. Next time you're feeling heavy, just blame it on the universe's fundamental inability to distinguish between someone stepping on the gas and someone dropping you onto a gas giant.

Chemistry's ultimate popularity contest is IN! 🏆 Helium is basically that kid who never joins group projects - complete with a full electron shell and zero desire to bond with anyone. Meanwhile, Carbon is the ultimate social butterfly with its 4 valence electrons ready to party! While Helium floats around doing nothing but making squeaky voices and escaping Earth's atmosphere, Carbon's out there forming the backbone of LITERALLY ALL LIFE and creating everything from diamonds to rocket fuel. Carbon doesn't just have side bonds - it has an entire entourage! It's like comparing that one friend who only shows up when there's free food to the friend who organizes every hangout and knows everyone in town. The periodic table has spoken: being inert is SO last season! 💎

Whoever created this masterpiece deserves a Nobel Prize in Comedy Physics! The Standard Model got a Gen Z upgrade with quarks named "rizz," "sus," and "dominant/submissive." Even particles have relationship status now! 😂 My favorite has to be "positron't" – literally the particle that can't even. And "2 pi neutrino" is what happens when your physics professor gets hungry during lecture. Next CERN announcement: "We've discovered the elusive 'yeet' quantum property. It determines how far particles can throw themselves from stable orbits when they just can't deal with quantum mechanics anymore."

Just your average Monday morning calculation that starts simple and then spirals into mathematical chaos. This is what happens when you ask for "just a quick derivation" during a meeting. The top part looks manageable until you notice the product notation, and then it's all downhill from there. By the time you reach the bottom with inverse secants and cotangents, you've already mentally checked out and started contemplating a career change. Mathematicians call this "elegance" while the rest of us call it "the reason I switched majors."

The existential crisis of every chemistry student hits like a ton of bricks! 🧪 Just when you think you've mastered chemical reactions, BOOM—the universe reminds you that everything boils down to either acid-base or redox reactions. It's the cosmic joke of chemistry! Your elaborate mechanisms, your fancy reagents, your complex synthesis routes? Nope. Just electrons being passed around or protons playing musical chairs. The astronaut with the gun is basically every chemistry professor after you've spent 45 minutes explaining your brilliant reaction mechanism. *Pulls out gun* "It's just proton transfer, kiddo. Always has been."