Sample size Memes

When someone casually says "probably," statisticians don't mess around. That p-value of 0.98 with a sample size of 500 and tiny standard deviation of 0.021? That's not "probably" – that's "I'd bet my tenure on it." Nothing strikes fear into the heart of a math nerd like someone using statistical certainty to warn you away from their sock drawer. Whatever's in there must be worse than that time the department tried to combine the faculty holiday party with peer review.

The eternal struggle between mathematical purity and statistical pragmatism! Pure mathematicians pride themselves on elegant proofs and logical necessity, while statisticians are over here like "n=30 is good enough for Central Limit Theorem, don't @ me." The magical number 30 appears everywhere in statistics because it's roughly where sample distributions become normal enough for parametric tests. No deep mathematical reason - just a practical threshold where things start working. It's the statistical equivalent of "eh, close enough" and I'm dying at how perfectly Patrick represents every stats professor I've ever had.

Statisticians staring suspiciously at coin flips is the ultimate trust issues mood. While normies see a simple 50/50 chance, statisticians are mentally running chi-square tests and questioning if the universe itself is gaslighting them. "Random? Or are you hiding patterns from me, you sneaky little coin?" The eternal paranoia of someone who knows that true randomness is about as common as a useful peer review comment. Next time you flip a coin, remember there's a statistician somewhere twitching at the thought of your inadequate sample size.