I Never Had A Full Mark In A DNA Test Before

Behold! The rare specimen of scientific illiteracy in its natural habitat—a market stall proudly advertising "mRNA free" products with a cute cow drawing! It's like bragging your oranges are "gravity free" while standing firmly on Earth! mRNA is literally in EVERY living organism including that adorable cow and whatever produce they're selling. It's just the messenger molecule that helps create proteins—you know, the stuff that keeps you alive! Next they'll be selling "mitochondria-free" energy drinks and "nucleus-free" supplements. My lab coat is wrinkled from facepalming so hard!

Your muscles during exercise: "Kowalski, glycolysis!" The penguin commander from Madagascar summoning his metabolic soldier to break down glucose and generate ATP is peak cellular desperation. Those 2 ATP molecules from glycolysis are basically pocket change compared to the 34 from aerobic respiration, but when you're sprinting, your cells can't be picky. They're just frantically converting glucose to pyruvate like penguins executing a covert operation.

Surviving Physics, Math, and Chemistry only to get absolutely bodied by Biology is the scientific equivalent of thinking you've cleared the final boss, then discovering there's another phase. The mitochondria might be the powerhouse of the cell, but Biology is the powerhouse of student breakdowns. That moment when you realize memorizing 739 Latin terms is somehow harder than balancing equations or calculating trajectories. Biology doesn't just ask for your brain—it demands your soul and your sleep schedule too.

Comparing lactose intolerance to radiation exposure is like comparing a paper cut to decapitation. 90,000,000 roentgens is roughly 900 Sieverts - that's about 180 times the lethal dose. Your test subjects wouldn't be worrying about dairy products anymore. They'd be atomically restructured into what we in the lab call "very dead." Fun fact: At that dose, their cells would be so thoroughly ionized they'd practically glow. Not from radiation - from being vaporized.

Your immune system is that chaotic friend who's willing to burn down the whole house to kill a spider. When you question why you're suffering at 40°C (104°F), your body's defense mechanism just shrugs like Tom from Tom & Jerry – "Yeah, pathogens die at this temperature! What's your point?" The biological equivalent of using a flamethrower to make toast. Your body's literally playing "if he dies, he dies" with itself. Evolution really said "let's make humans smart enough to question their own biological processes but not smart enough to override them."

Imagine expecting basic biochemistry literacy on a second date. The look of pure disbelief when your Tinder match can't recite alanine, arginine, asparagine, aspartic acid, cysteine, glutamine, glutamic acid, glycine, histidine, isoleucine, leucine, lysine, methionine, phenylalanine, proline, serine, threonine, tryptophan, tyrosine, and valine in alphabetical order. Red flag. Next they'll tell me they don't know the Krebs cycle by heart either. Unmatched.